The Four Finch Girls

Bearizona

2012-01-17T13:48:00.001-08:00

December 30, 2011

Yesterday morning Me, Jake and the 6 older kids all loaded up in the Yukon and took off for Flagstaff. The kids knew I had a surprise for them but I refused to tell them what it was. During the drive we played trivia games do to help pass the time. This is something that I started doing about a year ago and all the kids really seem to enjoy it, especially when the winner gets a prize.

As we were getting closer to Flagstaff I started seeing more and more signs advertising our "surprise". The best was when we drove right past Flagstaff. All the kids thought that the surprise was there so they were all shocked and disappointed to find out that we needed to drive a little bit farther.

As we got to the out skirts of Williams it was time to take our exit and at that point our destination was obvious. For the little girls I had to announce that we were going to Bearizona. The kids were excited but a bit confused. I leaned over and whispered to Jake "How long do you think it will take one of the boys to mention that they wished they brought a gun, and that they could use it?" Well as I predicted it didn't take long once we got through the gates for Trey to speak up.

BEARIZONA

A donkey that we got to pet

Bearizona is a drive threw zoo where you have up close views and interaction with different kinds of animals. I had been telling Jake for months that I wanted to take the kids there, for if no other reason just something different to see and do.

Once we got into the park it was kind of fun to see who could spot the animals first. Trey usually won at this game. I swear that kid has eagle eyes when it comes to spotting wildlife. We got to see everything from donkeys, buffalo, wolves, big horned sheep and of course bears.

One of the many bears we saw

Once you drive threw the park there is also a small walk threw zoo with a petting zoo. This was fun because we were able to get out of the car and stretch our legs. The kids had a lot of fun in the petting zoo, I think too much fun. At one point Ethan caught a turkey and tried to chase me with it. Ty and Race just enjoyed seeing all the different kinds of animals.

Lori, Ty, Ethan, Trey, Dustin, Race & Jake

Crazy Ethan

Race petting a pig

After being there for a few hours and seeing all there was to see we drove back to Flagstaff and ate Panda Express (another 1st for the boys) and then went to the mall so the boys could spend there Christmas money if they chose to. The best part was when Jake surprised Dustin with a new cell phone.

It was a fun day and we all enjoyed seeing new things and being together.

Happy Bithday Rory

2011-12-06T16:41:00.001-08:00

December 6, 2011

Yesterday was Rorys 33rd birthday so Wendy and Leland had planned a family outting so I allowed Race and Ty to ditch school. After we got up and got ready for the day I discovered that not all the girls had full snow suits (expecially since Christmas hasn't came yet) so I knew that it was going to be rough day.

Once we finally got to Wendys I found out that I wasn't the only one running late and having issues. Due to the slick roads Kelly G. slid into the curb and busted the tire off the bead, and Danika and Kelly B. came to her rescue. Rock & Meagans boys didn't have snow boots so Meagan let them open a Christmas gift early, and I of course was just having a hard time becasue of the day.

After everyone was gassed up and ready to go we all carivaned up the Big Lake highway in search of Christmas trees and to celebrate the birthday of an amazing man.

The farther we went the deeper the snow got and the more and more I was greatful for my truck. I had to put it in 4 high to keep from sliding all over the roads and even in 4 low the few times I slid off the road and got stuck. I was impressed with my driving skills becasue I never needed help from anyone to get me out.

When we got up to Burro Mountain we all got out and played in the snow. As the girls played I filled up some balloons. I was wanting to get 33 filled up but the girls were getting cold fast and I knew that they weren't going to stay in a good mood long.

I love this picture

The girls were excited about letting the balloons go so after we did a short countdown they let them go. Well Race and Ty did anyway, Kyrri wasn't quiet willing to let her purple balloon go just yet. As soon as the balloons were released so were my tears. As if Kyrri knew I needed to do with my hands she asked me to hold her and it was a welcomed distraction, before I knew it she told me she wanted to let her balloon go too. She was such a sweet girl as she let it go she said "happy birfay daddy".

Up Up & Away

I don't know if the pain will ever go away from seeing my sweet girls grow up without their Dad. He was such a great guy and had such high hopes and plans for their futuers. My hope is that I can continue raising them the way that he would want. Without a doubt I know that he wants us all to be happy so thats what we try to do.

Later that day while I was driving down the road I noticed some deer and out of habit I looked for a buck and sure enough I spotted one. Normally I would just keep on driving but because of the day and my missing Rory I turned around and went back, I felt a little foolish becasue it wasn't like I was still on the mountain and spotted a hugh buck, heck everyone who drove past the golf course that afternoon probably saw the deer I was now staring it at. For a few moments I didn't care that I was that moron on the side of the road staring at the animals. This wasn't uncommon for Rroy to do and I know he would have done then same thing. I was just bummed at the time that I didn't have the girls with me so they could see it too, and hear me tell them how Daddy loved deer, and elk and anything else he could shoot. It was kind of the way to wrap up this particular day.

Not Big But Not Bad

Happy Birthday Babe, I love and miss you tons and so do our girls!

Labor Day Weekend

2011-09-06T11:14:00.001-07:00

September 6, 2010

On Saturday morning we all got up, got dressed in our camo shirts and Lymphoma Awarness pins and got ready for the 1st Annual Rory Finch Memorial Skeet Shoot. Danika was the one putting it on and we were prepared. After I grabbed some doughnuts for the kids we drove out to Kellys pit and helped set up.

Daddys Girls Forever

We had a decent size crowd considering we has issues advertising. A discruntaled idiot whose name I will leave out felt the need to go around town ripping down the flyers. His claim was that I had no right doing something like that. We'll it turns out I wasn't putting the shoot on and Rory was blessed to have other family that does't bear the same last name, who also want to keep his memory alive.

Joel vs Dad (Leland)

Rock shooting

Around 10:15 the shooting began. It was a double elimanation and a few hours later we had our winners. The prizes were gift cards to Western Drug, and all of the proceeds went to the Hunt of a Life Time AZ Chapter. This was a program that was dear to Rory. Even after Rory got sick he helped his friend John scout for a bull for a boy who ended up dying just a few days after his hunt.

After the shoot was over the girls and I were tired from being in the sun so we just relaxed at the Crowthers house and enjoyed the company.

Sunday we went to church. I am not a big fan of going at noon but that is one way to kill the day. Afterwards with the help of Jake and his boys we got Lori's room completed. The calls it her hospital room but I didn't know of a better way to divide off a room without adding actual walls. I love Ikea!!

Monday morning we all slept in a little bit, I don't think I will ever out grow my love of sleeping in. I am more of a night owl. Having kids (and now that school has started again) has really put a damper in my lazy streek. Before I knew it I was forced to get out of bed and start the fun day at the lake we had planned.

Once we were hooked up, gassed up, and fed it was time to hit the road. I know that Lyman is no where near as cool as Roosevelt but I do love that it is close to home and cheap. After the jet skiis and the boat were off the trailer it was time for fun. The lake was busy but the water was still calm enough to wakeboard so we did plenty of that. I am getting to where I am pretty comfortable on the board but I'm not quiet ready for jumps. Jake and Trey on the other hand were doing awesome.

Trey catching some big air on my pink board

Dustin loves the jet skis

Before long Kelly and Danika showed up with Kellys boat full of people and Mike showed up with his pontoon boat. Need less to say there was plenty of entertainment for everyone.

After lunch we did some knee boarding and even blew up the tube. Before long the wind picked up and the clouds rolled. With the water choppy it made it hard to load the boat but we did it and got out of there just in time to miss the storm.

Lori, Dustin & Trey on the tube

After we got home everyone was so wore out that we just lounged around. Jake and I played the game LIFE with the Dustin and Race so that was fun. Around 6 Wendy, Leland, Kelly, Micky, Deacon, and Danika all came over for Family Home Evening so that was a good endding to a great weekend.

Today & 11 years ago today

2011-05-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

May 29, 2011

Eleven years ago today Rory and I had our first kiss. I always remember the date because we were married 2 years and 2 days after our 1st kiss and our wedding anniversary is coming up. I was going through some stuff the other day and I came across my journal from 2000 and this is part of my entry from that day 11 years ago..."I went to J.D.'s house and luckily Ror was there too and we decided to go out to eat then up to Nelsons lake and there we kissed after he told me "they don't get any better than you". After reading that all those memories hit me hard and I could remember it like it was last year not 11 years ago.

Last year on this day Rory and I got to come home from Tucson for the weekend, take our girls to their rodeo and then attend the wedding of very special friends of ours Fat Head and Holly. After the wedding we came home so Rory could relax and we watched the UFC fights with Lacey, Terell, J.D. and Briana. That night we had alot of fun talking about old times and laughing hard. A part of my journal entry for that day says "I hadn't laughed that much or that hard in a LONG time. Everyone stayed for a pretty long time but I think even Rory enjoyed it". He was 50 days post transplant and we were feeling very hopeful.

Last night I was laying down and thinking of what Rorys "life" was like now, up in the presents of our Heavenly Father. I always try to imagine it but I have a hard time picturing it. That usually doesn't stop me though, but last night I got pretty emotional thinking about it.

Well this morning when I looked at the "scripture of the day" that I get on my phone I couldn't believe what it was. It was from D&C 25:14 and said "Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him".

The more I read the scriptures the more I love and enjoy them, and on this special day I felt the power in them as well as the comfort and peace of mind they bring. I know that one day me, Rory and our girls will be together again and for that I am truly grateful.

TyLee's casts

2011-04-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Friday April 15, 2010

Yesterday after my Mom came and picked up Race for there trip to Colorado (for an auction). Me, Jake, Ty, and Kyrri drove down to the valley for Ty's check up for her broken elbow. We did a little shopping, had lunch then went to the hospital. After doing paper work, we were taken back for xrays and then the doctor came in to read them and said everything looked good and that Ty could have the pins taken out today.

Showing off her cast as we wait for the doctor

Its coming off

I was shocked I have never been around broken limbs that had to have pins so I didn't know what to expect. Plus I was once told that she would be in the cast for 6 weeks and it had only been 3. But before I knew it we were taken back into the "cast room" and they were sawing off her purple cast. I thought that she would be scared but after the nurse showed her that she couldn't be cut by it Ty was good and even laughed while it tickled her the whole time. Once it was off and the padding and gauze was removed I was shocked to see the pins sticking out of elbow. It made my stomach do flip flops, and still does when I think about it.

the pins...YUCK

Then again before I knew what was happening the doctor grabbed what looked like pliers and pulled them out. Next they decided that since Ty is such a daredevil it was wiser to put her back in a cast versus a splint. This time chose a hot pink one. She wanted red and I probably should have let her but I hate the color red and convinced her it looked like blood and would scare her sisters plus I think she only wanted it because I said it was ugly. But TyLee did really well and through out the whole thing didn't even cry. I on the other hand did. Even though Ty and I had the support of Jake being there with us it just wasn't the same. I missed Rory terribly and once we were done with the hospital and back in the car TyLee started crying too saying the same thing "I miss Daddy".

Finishing the new cast

Came with purple left with pink

It was a difficult day, but like all days we over come them and go on to the next. I am just grateful for this sweet and loving girl who know how to make the bad days better just by smiling and making me laugh.

One Great Weekend

2011-03-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

A few days ago me and Jakes boys were talking and some how we got on the subject of roller coasters and they had all confessed that they had never been on one. I was shocked! I have always been a lover of thrill rides so I assumed that kids of there ages (14, 13, & 10) would have had some sort of experience to determine whether they liked them or not. To my surprise all of them had said that they have never been on a roller coaster. My brain immediately started thinking of ways to remedy this.

Well as it turned out Jake had been wanting to take a load of scrap metal to the valley for some extra cash and Castles & Coasters was the closest roller coasters I could think of...BINGO. After a little planning and a willing set of grandparents to watch Ty and Kyrri the 6 of us were off to ride the roller coasters.

After we got to the valley the first order of business was to go cash in on all the scrap metal Jake and the boys had loaded the day before. I have never been to a scrap metal yard and it was neat to watch them unload and sort everything. About an hour later we were unloaded and paid so it was time for fun.

Once we got to Castles and Coasters I was pumped. It was going to be an exciting and fun day. After paying it was time to hit the rides. I let the boys pick and they were wise by wanting to start out small. Unfortunately for Race what the boys thought was small was pretty extreme for her and she got scared. The boys for the most part had a great time. Their favorite rides were the go carts and bumper boats. Dustin was the one who surprised me the most because he, like me enjoyed the fastest, highest, and scariest rides they had. When the day was winding down we let each kid pick their 2 favorite rides. Race who was tired of rides and waiting in line chose to have her face painted instead.

What goes up, must come down

Me & the boys

Ethans ready to go!

Trey & Race on the bumper boats

My favorite

One of Dustin's favorite

It really was a fun day and the boys all had a good time talking about it all the way home. When we got to Show Low we decided to stop by the hospital to see if Kelly and Michelle were awake so we could meet their new baby Demi Jean Baca. When we got there visiting hours were over so we chose to just wait until the next morning.

Sunday morning we all ran back over to Show Low and we were able to meet the sweet new baby and chat with her excited but exhausted parents.

Such a cutie

Another girl for Jake to love on

I was amazed at all her thick black hair. All my girls were bald until late in their baby years so it was a shock to see that babies could have hair. After a short visit we helped Kelly and Michelle prepare for their discharge and offered to bring dinner to them that evening.

As the day progressed I was really missing Rory and being the 6 month anniversary of his death was really getting to me. I was shocked to tears when we went over to the Baca's house that night to bring them dinner and Michelle gave me flowers because of the day. Here she was fresh out of the hospital with a new baby and she is giving me flowers. What a great friend. Between Castles and Coasters and the birth of Ms. Demi it turned out to be a great weekend.

Christmas

2011-01-03T10:23:00.001-08:00

December 26, 2010

This was a very hard holiday. It started out for me and the girls at my Moms house like it has every year for the past 10 years. We go over there and have an awesome dinner of steak, shrimp and crab legs with all the trimmings. I was having a really hard time because every year Rory has blessed the food and as we got ready to eat my Mom asked me to do it this year. As I stood there struggling to gain my composure I cracked and asked RaceaJade to say it instead. From that point on it was hard for me to even be at my Moms house.

Digital camera

Cute pillow pet

Fun book

I tryed my best to pull it together for the girls sake and we had a fun time opening presents. Once it was late and everything was opened and cleaned up I brought the girls home and put them to bed. I thought my Moms house was bad but playing Santa by myself was excruciating. I was blessed to have some awesome boys set up the new trampoline in the back yard while we were gone so I didn't have to worry about that. But as I filled stocking and wrapped gifts the emptiness was overwhelming. On some of the gift tags to the girls I wrote "From Mom and Dad". Later Race asked me why I did that and I told her that "if it wasn't for Daddys love for us we wouldn't have these nice things, he is still taking care of us".

Santa has arrived

After everything was done and ready for the morning I settled into bed with my 3 girls and cryed myself to sleep.

3 angels disguised as my girls

Christmas morning was okay, the girls enjoyed opening there gifts. Rory and I always had a rule that the girls only get 3 gift each from us and I continued that tradition. Thanks to our amazing families and friends like Fat Head and Holly the girls had plenty of great gifts.

Our tree

1 of 4 babys Kyrri got

Ty's Leapster

Races new ipod

Mom helping Kyrri

After the girls and I opened all our presents, cleaned up, and got dressed we headed over to Wendys like we have every year. This too was a very hard thing to do and the sad feeling was very strong but everyone was trying to do there best for the kids sake. After eating our traditional breakfast of monkey bread and fruit we opened gifts and had a good time.

KyrriJo's new baby "Chucky"

TyLee's new Tangled dolls

RaceaJades new DS game & clothes

At noon my Mom and Race took off for Montana so they could go get Race's new horse Roxy. They would be gone a week and I was very tempted to go but declined. After they left Jake, Ty, Kyrri, and I went to the cemetery, and then to Luna. After that we just cruised around the mountain in my new truck. It was a good Christmas but hard holiday to get through. I was glad when it was over. Throughout the day I kept thinking of past Christmases especially last years and I couldn't get over how Kyrri's first was Rory's last.

Their only Christmas together- 2009

I feel that we 4 girls are definantly stonger now that we have gotten past our 1st Christmas without the man in our lives. We know that we will be with him again and until then he would want us to go on and live happy lives and that is what we plan on doing, no matter how hard it may be!

Rorys Birthday

2010-12-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

December 6, 2010

Yesterday would have been Rorys 32nd birthday. Since I was driving home from Idaho in my new Yukon my mind was busy and for that I was grateful. Before I left for Idaho Danika and I took a Mt. Dew and an empty capped off pipe bomb (lol) to Ror's graveside. But tonight for family home evening I choose to "celebrate" this milestone with our girls. We drove the new car up to Alpine where we went to the cemetery and released 32 balloons.

I never thought I would be the kind that goes to the cemetery alot. I figured if I wanted to be with Rory I could do it anywhere but I've been finding myself up there alot. After we were done and the ballons were all out of sight and I answered all the girls questions we went and ate at Bear Wallow. It was a hard night and I know the girls wouldn't have really noticed if we didn't do anything to mark the event but Rory was such an amazing man, husband and dad that my goal is to never let the girls forget that.

Happy Birthday Honey!!

RaceaJades 7

2010-11-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

November 16, 2010

For Race's birthday this year we had a party at Trailriders Restaurant and she was able to invite some friends from school. Before the party started her and I went and ate dinner, just the two of us. She really enjoyed that and all the waitresses knew it was her birthday so they helpped make it extra special.

Once all her friends arived we played games like bingo and musical chairs. After that Race got to open her presents and I could not believe the amount of gifts she got. It was rediculose, but of course she loved it.

Once it was time to sing happy birthday and cut the cake I was a mess. I tryed to hid the tears and with the help of Lisa and Wendy I was able to pull it off while they jumped in there and cut and served cake and ice cream.

It was a good party and Race really enjoyed it. I can't believe my little girl is already 7. I still can vividly remember when Rory and I brought her home from the hospital to our little house on Brown street. Rory was a proud daddy and I was just glad that the whole pregnancy thing was over and having to deal with post labor pains and yuck. We were amazed at how easily we could love our cute little bundle of joy.

After the party Race and I were both feeling sad that her Dad wasn't with us so I desided to read her the note that Rory had left for her. It was the 1st time she had ever heard or seen it and both of us were bawling by the time I was finished. We sat in my room and just held each other and cryed.

I feel with each little milestone we cross my girls and I are not only getting stronger but growing closer together.

Happy Birthday RaceaJade Marie, I love you to the moon and back and will until the day after forever!!

Pouring Concrete

2010-11-03T07:39:00.001-07:00

November 1, 2010

Around 5:30 my cousin Kayla, my girls and I all headed up to Alpine to join the rest of our families and pour the concrete for Rorys headstone. We knew that the headstone wouldn't be ready for months to come but we also didn't want to wait for the ground to be frozen to try to pour the slab.

Kelly and Rock

Smoothing it out

After we determined how we wanted it my only request was that we have the girls put there hand prints in it. After it was all mixed up and poured it was really soupy and we needed to wait for it to set up more for the girls to be able to imprint there hands. Because it was that time of night the Crowther side chose to go eat at Bear Wallow while we waited. Bear Wallow was one of Rory's favorite restaurants and it was good to be able to gather there with some of the people who mean the most to me. Having my cousin Kayla there was an awesome bonus.

All of us at Bear Wallow

After we got done eating Jimmy called to tell me we needed to get the girls there fast if we wanted there hand prints. All of the sudden the concrete was setting up fast. The girls did a good job considering it was cold and it was difficult to press there hand into a wet hard object while being held up by people.

Races hand 1st

Then Ty's

Then Kyrri's last

Ta Da

Jimmy and Jake covering it up

The Finch side of the family added an arrow to the slab as a reminder that you have to live as straight as an arrow in order to live with Heavenly Father and Rory. The girls hand prints did not turn out as well as I had envisioned but they are none the less Rorys girls hand prints and they will be there forever. I had made a bullet bouquet for the occasion and it turned out good except some of the bullets kept falling off so thanks to me and Kaylas genius idea we found a way to take a hot glue gun with us.

The bullet bouquet

I am just grateful for the love and support of those who were there with me to do what needed to be done.

Halloween

2010-11-03T07:38:00.000-07:00

On November 28th my cousin Kayla flew into Mesa to spend a week with me and the girls. She and I have always been close but do to work she was unable to come down for Rorys funeral and this was the first time her and I could get together since his death. After I picked her up we did a little shopping and then made the drive home. We talked about everything and I quized her about her pregnancy. The next day we planned on carving pumpkins with girls but ended up having Jake and the boys come over to join us too.

Carving pumpkins

I was very impressed by the awesome pumpkins that were carved that night. I was not however impressed by the pumpkin guts (that nasty stringy stuff inside) fight that we all got into. It was fun and totally unexpected but it was also nasty and made me itch.

Kayla helping Race

Pumpkin guts all over me

Uncle Jake helping TyLee

Tys turn

the master pieces

The next day I started redecorating my room. I have always loved black and white so I desided thats how I wanted to do my room, paint and all. Though out the day we did all the prep work so we could start painting the next day. Come 5ish the girls wanted to get ready to go trick or treating.

All 3 girls were witches this year and I must say they looked cute. Every other year I would take the girls and do a photo shoot of them in there costumes but I was just not feeling it this year. This was the 1st big holiday that Rory wouldn't be with us. The year before he was off hunting and I took the girls alone but he was still there when we got home and he did get to see them in there costumes. This year that wouldn't be the case.

my 3 lil witches

Once we were all ready to go Jake called and asked if we wanted to go with him and the boys and we agreed. So we went to his house and walked around his neighborhood which is one of the best for trick or treating. We didn't get too far down the road before Lacey and her girls showed up to join up. The 5 little girls had fun and the boys made it easier on me and Lacey so it worked out perfect.

Going trick-or-treating

Another house

Trey helping Ty

Ethan helping Kyrri

Race and Macy

Kyrri keeping Jake warm

Later that night Race and Kyrri wanted to stay with Gram and Grandpa so the rest of us went on trick or treating for a little longer. Once Ty was tired Jake agreed to stay at his house with her while Kayla, Jason (a friend of mine) and I took the boys pumpkin bashing.

It was a difficult night emotionally but it was a fun night too. My little witches all had fun and thats what matters.

Fall Fotos

2010-10-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

October 19, 2010

Today Lacey, Mckinley and Macy joined Danika, the girls and I for a ride up Escudilla Mountain for some fall photos. Dani and I had picked out me and girls outfits and I was excited. The girls all know how anal I am when it comes to taking family pictures and I think they could sense how hard it was for me to be doing this with out their Dad so they were really good and I was happy with what we got. With the help of Photoshop we were able to make some memorable pictures and later Christmas cards

The 4 Finch Girls

My redheaded beauty RaceaJade

Ms. TyLee Rae

KyrriJo AKA small fry

Daddy's girls FOREVER

Rorys Girls

I love pictures and I love my girls so I am guilty of always wanting new, fresh and fun pictures of my girls....it drives them crazy but maybe one day they will be grateful for this obsession of mine

Roosevelt!!

2010-10-04T13:52:00.001-07:00

On September 31 me, Danika, Meagan and Rock hooked up my boat and headed down to Roosevelt Lake. Our plan was to have a fun filled weekend on the water. Once we got there it was dark so we had an interesting time setting up a tent in the dark, but we did it. That night laying in the tent it was hot, there wasn't even the slightest breeze but we had fun just laying there talking and looking forward to the days to come.

Our tent

Early the next morning Jake and his family showed up so after grabbing some delicious breakfast burros (that Meagan made) we hit the lake. Rock wakeboarded and he must just be a natural becasue he was able to get up pretty easy. I on the other hand took awhile to get the feel of it but then I was doing pretty good and I was proud of myself. Jake who had learned earlier in the year was teaching people buy getting in the water with them and holding the board while pushing them up. Danika never was able to get up.

Going from white to red

wakeboarding!!

Jake teaching Dani

After doing this for a little while we desided to break out the knee boards. Again Rock was showing everybody up. Thats when I got the idea that we should try to go double. We had two ropes and two boards so lets have twice the fun. Meagan agreed with me so her and I were the 1st to try going double. It turned out to be a huge success and we had a blast doing it.

Me & Kelly going double

Later that evening after some Jake and Sarah drama Sarah and 2 of the boys ended up going home. Since it was none of the rest of our business we choose to stay and have a good time. That night Lance (Estes) also joined us, he and I hadn't hung around each other since high school and it was fun to catch up with him and talk about the past.

Sisters

The following day Meagan was trying to wakeboard and after she got up she fell and the board caught her in the back of the head causing her to go to the ER in globe for stiches. She was such a trooper because she was back in the boat and the water (against doctors advice) soon after leaving the hospital.

Lance with the girls

Wild ride

It was a fun weekend with lots of fun had and memories made. I think it may have been the begining of a great tradition.

1 month and 18 months*

2010-09-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

* Entry from my personal journal

Monday September 27, 2010 9:15pm

Today has been my hardest day yet by far. It has been 1 month since Rory died and it also happens to be the day Kyrri turns 18 months old. I cryed before I even got out of bed this morning.

I miss Rory so much that it hurts. I would give anything to have him back. I know we will be together again but I don't want to wait the rest of my life time for that to happen. I ofter think how nice it would be if I were to just die. Danika could have my girls and I would have Rory back with me. If suicide wasn't a sin I would honestly consider it.

Kyrri had to have she shots today so that took up alot of the day. Her and I went to Snowflake so she could have her check up and then we went to the car dealership and then to Jocelyn Peters office to go over more insurance stuff.

On my way home Dean-a's mom Coleen called and we talked for a long time. She gave me lots of advise and I really am considering pulling Race out of school for a week and just getting away. She thinks I should move to Idaho Falls where Dean-a is but I think if I leave AZ I will only go up to MT. I really enjoyed talking to her though.

Later tonight Meagan, Danika and I talked about the lake plans this weekend and I am excited!!

Today was really hard but I got past it. Like I wrote in the note that I left with Wendys flowers I bought her today: "one month down and a life time to go".

I just want my life to be good-the way it was before Rory was diagnosed!! I didn't always think so at the time but my life with Rory was dang near perfect. He was an amazing husband, a wonderful dad and the best friend I could ever ask for. My heart will never be whole again and I am okay with that knowing that Rory will FOEVER have a piece of it.

18 months old

KyrriJo's Stats

Wight 23.5 lbs

Height 31.5 inches

Head 18 inches

The hardest time of my life*

2010-09-06T18:39:00.001-07:00

*Entries taken from my personal journal

Monday August 23, 2010 10:05 pm

I will never forget this day. Today after Rory had another CT scan the doctor came in and told us that the cancer has worsened and he doesn't think Rory would survive another round of chemo. I then asked him if there was anything else to do and he pretty much said no. I asked him what his time frame would be if I took him home and he said a few weeks.

Rory heard him say the chemo wasn't working and after the doctor left we both held each other and cryed. I told him that he was my eternal compainion and that I would never do anything to jepordize that and he made me swear that and I did. He will be mine in Heaven and he will be the Rory that I fell in love with. No more pain, no more hospitals, no more "crazy/loopy" talk.

I just have to figure out how to make the most of the time we have left and try to make it as easy on my kids as possable.

Friday August 27, 2010 9:30 pm

After some bitter sweet few days my best friend, and husband died this morning at 6:37. I held his hand as he drew his last breath. In the past few days he was only awake off and on and yesterday it was maybe for a few seconds a half a dozen times, but every time he was [awake] I assured him I love him and one time he told me "I love you more than you'll ever know" and I honestly believed him when he also said "I love you more than anyone has ever loved someone". I am so grateful he went peacefully and pain free.

I did really good being strong until 10 hours later when I was back at home and I had to tell the girls. They both took it pretty hard but Race is asking tough questions [like when will he be resurected] and wants to see his body. I thnk Ty will have a harder time as time goes by and she realizes that hes not coming back. I'm also grateful that all the girls got to see him on Wednsday which was a good day for him. They cuddled on the bed with him and kissed him when they left. [it was the last time they saw him alive]

Ty's the Daddys Girl

Race with her Daddy

Our last family photo together

I feel somewhat in a state of shock right now. I know some really bad days are still to come but I will try not to have two in a row.

I can not believe he is really gone. No more cancer, pain, sickness or discomfort. I know he is looking down on us and I'm glad we're sealed for eternity because he truely is my eternal companinon and I somewhat envy that he is in a better place and I'm left here with 3 small girls to pick up the pieces and go on with this life without him. I know he only changed my life for the better so I have to continue to live good to ensure he and I will be together again.

Saturday August 28, 2010 10:30 pm

It was exactly one year ago today that Rory was diagnosed with cancer, and today I made plans for his funeral.

Rock and Danika went with me to the funeral home and we finalized everything there. Then we went to Allen (Brownings) house to make the service programs and thehardest part came when we went to Luna to get his [Rory's] truck. We stopped at Bear Wallow for lunch and that was even harder. On the drive home I found his coat in the back seat and it made me cry.

Later this evening all the local Finch family and the Crowther family gathered at Wendys house to compile a family history. It was so smoth and nice even with both sides together that I mentioned hell must have froze over a few times. I can't imagine what Rory would say about everyone starting to finallly get along. Better late than never I guess.

Monday August 30, 2010 10:15 pm

Tonight was Rorys viewing and it was hard. Race wanted to see his body so I let her and I think it was good closure for her.

I am in a major state of numb and I honestly want to stay that way for a long long time

Tueday August 31, 2010 9:00 pm

Today I layed my best friend, lover, strength and husband to rest. Today was Rorys funeral. I was so comforted the whole day that I knew Rory was with me. I don't think I cryed at all during the service. It was really nice and had a huge turn out. Poor Race had a hard time at first but I think she saw me being strong and followed my lead. While we were at thr graveside I did tear up a little but on the way back home from Alpine I read the note Rory wrote (in the hospital last week) me for the 1st time and I lost it. For a short time I wasn't numb and I got a feel for just how hard life is going to be for me. I always hoped Rory was the man to grow old with me and now here I am 27 and with 3 young girls without my beloved husband. I know Heavenly Father needs him more but its just hard to believe that He needs him more than those of us he left behind. I do feel the love and support from so many and I know thats what will get me by all the hard times to come. Even in a time like now I can't help but feel blessed.

Beautiful symbols of Rory

We love you Daddy

Goodbye my love, until we meet again...

"If tears could build a stariway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you here again" -unknown

The "family meeting" & a visit from the girls*

2010-08-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

* entries taken from my daily journal

Wednesday August 18, 2010 9:00pm

Today turned out to be better than I expected but I still feel wiped out. This morning was the "family meeting" the doctors called for. They did say that at this point they are still hopeful. They want to wait a few days and then do another CT scan to see how effective the last chemo cycle was. They basically wanted to know what and how Rory felt about everything, like if he wanted to continue on with the chemo or spend his time at home. I said that if the chemo is working then yes he was going to continue but if it is not then I was going to take him home. I guess we will know in a few days if the chemo is working or not.

Getting some exercise

Mean while he did get to leave the ICU today. We are back on the 4th floor and Rory seems pretty happy about it. He is more at peace anyway. He also got the tube pulled out of his nose (that was draining his stomach) so thats really good. He is still on bowel rest and they are rationing his ice chips so that has been hard because he gets dry mouth a lot but they don't want him to over do it because his belly is so sensitive. His skin is really yellow looking but the doctors say it is because his gal bladder has stones and hasn't been working much due to the bowel rest. He is also very swollen from all the fluids [IV's], its almost nice to see him thicker but its false weight. He is also extremely weak. I help him use the bedside commode and I actually worry if I could keep him from falling by myself. He does good though and we work well together.

I am excited to go to bed before 10 tonight because I desperately need the sleep.

Saturday August 21, 2010 9:45 pm

This morning started out rough. Rory had a long night and early this morning (about 3am) I layed in his bed with him (to help calm him) and through his tears he said "I dont' deserve you" and "thank you for everything". I fell asleep cuddling with him and it was great. But when the sun came up I thought it was going to be a day from hell. He got a bad nose bleed, felt like he couldn't breath and was having major stomach pain.

I got a picture of the girls ready for there 1st soccer game and I felt a little jealousy about not getting to be there but when Danika text me saying Ty;s bawling about playing. I called hoping to encourage her but I ended up bawling myself about not getting to be there for her. I hate missing my day to day life with my family all together.

The day did improve a little after Rock , Meagan, J.D., Kelly & Gerard came to visit with him. He was pretty tired but talking normal and being friendly in the morning but because he was still in pain they upped his pain meds while we were all at lunch. When we got back he was totally different. He was mean and grouchy and border line "loopy". I let him sleep for a little while but then Kelly woke him up and helped me get him ready for the girls visit.

Once he saw the girls you could just tell he was better [because] of it. It was a tear feeled moment for everyone. Ty was the happiest little girl ever-she loves her Daddy so much and you can see it every time she looks at him. Race was excited to show us the front tooth she pulled out on the way here from Eagar. Kyrri was just happy to have everyone together. She grows up more and more every time I see her.

Excited to see there Daddy

The Daddys girl

Our baby Kyrri

Rory enjoyed them and it made a huge improvement in his state of mind. He looked so happy I almost cryed.

Wendy stayed with him tonight so I took the girls to a splash pad and let them play and then we ate. Wendy also had a gift certificate to a hotel so Dani, the girls and I are staying in it tonight so I am glad to have a bed again as well as a nice shower and a laundry room.

Fun at the splash pad

What a day full of ups and downs. All is well that ends well and if I could just find his [Rory's] dang cell phone I would be able to rest better tonight but there are a lot more important things to be grateful for.

School...already? Really?

2010-08-19T11:48:00.002-07:00

August 17, 2010

I can not believe that school is already starting. Since Rory and I left for Tucson when school was still in session and we were there for most of the summer it just doesn't feel like it could be that time of year already.

These past two days have been bittersweet ones, much like life right now. Yesterday RaceaJade started her 1st day of the 1st grade. She is in Mrs. Sass's class and that is awesome. Mrs. Sass was teaching 1st grade when I was there!! It started off to be a good morning because I got to wake up in my own bed again, its amazing how much you take for granted your own bed. Anyway I got up and started to get myself ready and I heard that Race was awake too. She was so excited to start school that I didn't even have to drag her out of bed. After getting her ready and taking pictures it was off to school. We went to her classroom took some more pictures and then I was gone. I couldn't help but wish that Rory was with me like he was when she started Kindergarden. Our little girl is growing up.

1st day of 1st grade

Her desk

Today (Tuesday) was TyLees 1st day of preschool. She was excepted into Mrs. Whitting preschool class as a model student so we are all really excited about that. She goes in the afternoon class so all morning she would ask me if it was time yet. So after getting her ready we went to the school where again I took some pictures, gave her a kiss and wished her Daddy could be with us. TyLee is a very easy going girl and I knew she would make friends quickly and enjoy school.

1st day of preschool

She found her name

I stayed home until both Race and Ty were done with school so I could ask them about their day. Both really enjoy school and I couldn't be happier about that. Right now I am looking for the easy way to do things and them liking school is a huge bonus.

At 4:00 I had to say goodbye to my girls once again and drive down to the valley. When I got to the hospital I was glad to find that Rory wasn't as loopy as I expected him to be. He still had a tube down his nose and looked really yellow but he was in good spirts and thats always a welcoming thing.

Back with my man

He told me he missed me today and that almost made me cry. In the past year he and I haven't been apart more than two days let alone the six we just did. As much as I miss my girls and I'm glad I got to spend much needed time with them, I am glad to be back by Rorys side.

Quick Trip to Montana

2010-08-19T11:48:00.001-07:00

August 15, 2010

On Wednesday morning I had to leave Rory and drive home. My best friend Dean-a was getting married in Billings and both me and the older girls were in the wedding. I left Mayo by 7 and drove home so I could pack me and the girls grab Danika and R.J. and then I turned around and drove back down to the valley. Danika and I went and saw Rory but the girls were unable to see him and it broke my heart, they were really wanting to see him.

With Jim and Nancy there (along with Jake and Sarah) I felt comfortable enough to leave Rory. So on Thursday morning we all got on a plane and flew to Montana. It was Kyrri's first time on a plane and she did good. When we got to Billings my amazing Aunt Rhonda and Uncle Dennis were there to meet us and I was so excited. I have always felt that my second home was in MT with all my family. After we left the airport we had some time to kill so we went to the newly open Cabelas and then went to Hu-Hot a Mongolian grill that is both fun and delicious. RJ and I both took advantage of the "all you can eat". After that we went and saw Dean-a and that was fun because she was so excited to get married. Dean-a and I have been friends for 13 years and we have never lived in the same area for more than 2 months. The rest of the day we just sort of hung out and had dinner with my huge fun family.

KyrriJo's 1st flight

Cabelas in Billings, MT

Friday morning the girls and I met the rest of the wedding party and had pedicures done. Race and Ty really enjoyed that. Afterwards we all went to the fair. The fair in Billings is like the state fair here, its huge! My cousin was showing in the horse show so we watched that for a little while then the girls and I went to the rehearsal dinner while Dani and RJ went to the Jason Aldeen concert. After the rehearsal I met up with my awesome cousin Kayla and her boyfriend Justin and his little girl Callie and we took the kids on all the rides. Race and Ty had a great time and I was so happy that I could spend some good time with them.

Riding the rides

On Friday evening Jimmy called to tell me that they moved Rory to the ICU but that it was just because he needed more blood products. He told me the pain meds still had Rory pretty "loopy" but every now and then he could hold a good conversation. My heart ached I loved where I was at, being in Montana with my awesome family and friends but I longed to be back by my husbands side.

That night/early morning (11:00pm 2:30am and 4:00am) I received calls from Rory. He sounded good but was very confused, he didn't know where I was, and why and swore the kids were with him and that he was at home and not in the hospital. I love talking to him on the phone when I am away but it broke my heart to know that his frame of mind was not his own normal level headed self.

Saturday morning Race, Ty and I headed to town (Billings) and met with Dean-a and all the other bridesmaids so we could all start the long process of getting ready. The girls were super excited to hang out with the "big girls" and have there hair put in a fancy updo.

Getting to be big girl

Before we knew it it was time to get Dean-a in her dress and off to take pictures. I had a blast helping her get ready for her big day. She is the friend of mine that looked forward to her wedding day since she was a little girl and I was so happy to be apart of her big special day. It was a very touching moment when my phone rang and it was Rory. He was in a better frame of mind and wanted to talk to Dean-a. I put her on the phone and Rory told her how proud of her he was and that made both of us cry but it was only tears of joy for her big day.

Pictures went well and were fun and again before we knew it it was time to walk down the isle (or path). The ceremony was great and the girls did good with their flower girl responsibilities. It was awesome seeing Dean-a so happy and in love.

They were such good sports

The flower girls with a lucky ring bearer

The rest of the night was filled with dancing and laughter. It was great seeing all the many people from Montana that I have known for over a decade.

Dancing with some pretty girls

My two best friends

Me, Dean-a, Wendy & Tara

Once the girls had it and were done for the night I said good bye to my best friend. Then Danika, RJ the girls and I all headed back to my Aunt Kathys for our last night in Montana.

The girls wanted to bring a puppy home so after clearing it with Danika, I let them thinking it could be a good distraction for them while Rory and I were in the hospital. So thanks to Aunt Rhonda we brought home the cute little oppps (mixed breed) puppy that we named Razz.

Razz & Kyrri in the airport

My visit was short but sweet. It was a nice break from the stress and hospitals but I was eager to get back to Rory. When we landed back in Phonix we drove straight to the hospital where Dani and I visited with Rory for a little while and then headed back home to prepare the girls for their first day of school.

Frequent Flyer

2010-08-08T18:54:00.001-07:00

August 5, 2010

After spending 6 days in the hospital receiving chemo Rory and I were ready to come home. The Mayo Clinic is a nice hospital and the nurses and doctors were wonderful but we wanted to come home before he had to start the next round. We did have some fun visitors in the hospital and it really helped to make the days run smoother. One day Wes, Allen, Jake and Sarah all came and spent the day and we all had a lot of fun. Laughter really is some of the best medicine.

On Tuesday the 3 we were finally able to be discharged from the hospital. It is a long day when you are told you can be discharged from the hospital because automatically the clock stops and people start moving in slow motion. Our biggest issue that day was having Rorys prescriptions filled. One drug in particular was a nightmare-its called vancomiocin and it is a major antibiotic for the guts and Rory HAD to have it 4 times a day. I went to the pharmacy in the hospital hoping that would speed things up. When I got there they told me that they do not accept our insurance, so I told them that I would just go ahead and pay for it out of pocket thinking that if it cost me even $50 it was worth it. The pharmacist then tells me that the vancomiocin alone was $3800.00. I was floored! How can pills cost that much? I then told her I would be finding a different pharmacy that did accept our insurance since the nurse practitioner had assured me that insurance agreed to pay for the prescriptions. I then went to a Walgreens and dropped off the prescriptions, went back to the hospital picked up Ror and then went back. The pharmacist there then tells me that they have not got a authorization from the insurance company and it can take as much as 2 days to get it. I then tell her that I will pay for it out of pocket knowing that once insurance approves I can get a refund. She says that would be fine but I would need to come back to that same Walgreens (in Scottsdale) with in 5 days of the approval. That wasn't going to work not to mention that once they looked they didn't even have the vancomiocin they would have to have another pharmacy bring it over. UGGGH!! By this time I was stressed out and needed to eat. Rory and I went to Olive Garden so I could think what to do on a full stomach. After we ate we headed for Payson so we could get home by a decent hour. All the way we were on the phone trying to figure out what to do. In the end we had the prescriptions called into the Show Low Walgreens so worse case I could pay out of pocket and then go get the refund. When we got to Show Low the pharmacist there said that she would give me enough pills for two days and that way it only cost me $435 and then when insurance approved I could get the refund and the rest of the pills. What a pain in the butt!!

By that time I didn't care about anything but getting Rory and I home to our girls and enjoy a night in our own bed. The next morning we had an appointment with Dr. Thakkar in Show Low and I was able to get the refund from Walgreens but the insurance would not release the rest of the pills for two more days and I needed 4 more pills for Rory to stay on track. So frustrating!!

On Thursday morning I had my father-in-law Leland come stay with Rory while the girls and I drove back to Show Low for the remaining pills. I could have left the girls and had a less stressful trip but I wanted to spend some time with them knowing that Ror and I would be in and out of Mayo for a long time and school was going to be starting soon and I just wanted to hang out with my girls. In Show Low we got the pills, went to Wal-mart, grabbed lunch and drove home.

When I got home Rory was in bed and was burning up. I felt his head and it was like someone punched me in the stomach, I knew he had a fever and I knew what that ment. Sure enough I took his temp and it was 102.4. I called Mayo and like I predicted that wanted him to go to the Show Low ER. Because I was barely unpacked from our return from the valley I had Wendy and Leland take Rory while I quickly repacked and paid some bills. I again said goodbye to the girls and Rock drove me to Show Low. It was my 4th trip to Show Low in less than 48 hours.

When I got there they were just taking Rory back to the ER. They took x-rays and blood tests and then told us he would need to be flown back down to Mayo. Knowing Rory was in good hands I jumped in my Yukon and headed for the valley. It was a long lonely drive and the pouring rain only depressed me even more. Rory got to Mayo only an hour before I did and again it was like a de ja vu. We finally got settled and prepared for whatever was to come next.

Living in a Nightmare

2010-07-30T10:20:00.001-07:00

July 27, 2010

After a particularly painfully long night for Rory we woke up earlier than we would like and started to get ready for the day. Rory was scheduled in Show Low to start another round of chemotherapy and we needed to get going. I got the kids ready and dropped them off with Danika with nothing more than a quick hug and a wave. At that time I didn't realize that I wouldn't be seeing them for a whole week.

As we drove out of town Rorys pain was getting worse, but by the time we were at the St. John's wye he was crawling out of his seat in agony. It was a total flash back from when his guts ruptured almost 11 months earlier. At that point I floored it all the way to the Show Low ER.

After multiple tests and a few hours later it was decided that Rory need to be air vacced to the Mayo Clinic in Phoenix to receive emergency chemo. I went into a miniature panic mode. We were going to need clothes, medical history paperwork, and of course entertainment for me. The hospital assured us that we would have plenty of time so I called Danika had her put us a bag together and Lacey drove it over. While I was waiting a nurse practitioner from Dr. Thakkars called me to say that they were sorry but they weren't very hopeful for Rory beating cancer. I lost it! Up until that moment everyone was very hopeful including the doctors, but once they found out that the cancer came back so quickly after the transplant they knew it wasn't a good sign. I fell to the floor in the ambulance bay and cried like I hadn't in a very long time. Jimmy and Wendy found me and began questioning me. After I told them what was going on I got angry. I was angry over the news and even angrier that I couldn't pull it together. Rory did not need to see me like that and I was glad he was still in a room and couldn't see me fall apart. A few hours later we were loaded up in an ambulance on our way to the Show Low airport.

Loading up in Show Low

While waiting in the ambulance I text Tam Quetel (she is Rorys aunt but a role model to me) I told her that I once remember her saying "people who cry in public want attention, people who cry in private are morning" that always stuck with me and I have tryed really hard to not cry in public over all of this. That is when she told me "there is a difference between those who do it on a regular basis and those who are surrounded by pain as you are, you have every reason to cry regardless of the time or place...you are basically living in a nightmare that you can't wake up from". I don't know why but I felt a lot better and before we knew it we were on the plane headed for the valley. The plane was tiny and I had to sit upfront in the cock pit with yoke between my knees. If I stretched out my arms I could have easily touched both sides of the plane. I did get a little nervous when we hit a rain storm but it was a pretty smooth and quick ride.

The little plane

Transporting in Scottsdale

When we landed at the Scottsdale airport I noticed how pretty the sunset was, to bad it didn't match our feelings and mood. From there we loaded into another ambulance and went to the Mayo Clinic where after a long time of hospital procedures and protocol we were able to settle in for the night.

RaceaJades tonsils removed

2010-07-15T23:05:00.002-07:00

July 15, 2010

We had known for about a week that Race was scheduled to have her tonsils out, so on Thursday morning Rory and I took Ty, and Kyrri to Danika's and then drove to Show Low. The whole way there Race was a little nervous but also excited. We were armed with a blanket, pillow, coloring book, and her favorite bear Lilly, and the pain meds that were prescribed.

When we got to the doctors office Nancy and Lacey were waiting in the waiting room because McKinley was also having her tonsils out that day. Race was excited because her Nana had given her and McKinley both ice cream cone necklaces to mark the occasion. Race loves jewelry! The gaudier the better!

Soon RaceaJades name was called and we were taken to the back to start the pre-op stuff. This is where I began to get nervous. I use to be really freaked out by hospitals and doctors settings but the last 10 months had cured me of that quickly.

Excited and nervous

Before long Race was ready to be wheeled back and we were asked to go back to the waiting room. I have also learned in the last 10 months how to keep myself busy at the doctors office. Poor Rory was fidgeting and in a little pain from his kidneys.

Before

Once we were assured that all went well and found out she did have golf ball size tonsils, we were able to see her again. Before she saw us she looked dazed and confused but the moment our eyes met she lost it. She was crying and scared and wanting held. I did my best to comfort her but it was Rory who was able to calm her down. She was most upset about the IV in her arm and was slapping at it and trying to pull it out. A few minutes later she realized that it was her mouth that was feeling strange and then she was trying to stuff her fist on her mouth causing herself to gag. All of this was a little more than Rory could take and I saw the tears in his eyes as he watched his daughter in pain. With all that he has been threw I still believed him when he said that he would gladly take her pain if he could. I felt the same way. After what felt like hours she was calmed down and watching a movie.

After

Daddy's love

Getting the IV out

Two hours after she was out of surgery we were getting her ready to go home. She was the happiest about getting her IV out and getting to wear her new necklace. After a traumatic morning we were finally on our way back home.

Leaving the clinic

Our oldest baby girl is getting so big I can't help but be proud of the person she is becoming. Rory and I were grateful for how well her surgery went and again felt we have been blessed.

Depressing Weekend

2010-07-15T23:05:00.001-07:00

July 8-11, 2010

On Thursday Rory had a doctors appointment with the oncologist and Race had an appointment with the tonsil doctor all in Show Low and at the exact same time. I dropped Rory off at the oncology building and took Race to meet the doctor who was going to take her tonsils out. Her appointment went fine and we were soon done, that is when I realized that in my hurry I locked my keys in the car. SO FRUSTRATING!! I called my father-in-law Leland (who had joined Rory at his appointment) and told him the situation and he said they would come help us as soon as they could. Rory always carries a spare key for my vehicles because I actually do this often.

They come and save me and the girls before the rain falls but tells me that Rory needs to go to the hospital for a UA because the nurse practitioner thinks he may have kidney stones. We all go to the hospital together and Rory gives his sample. After he is done I say bye to everyone and I leave for the valley and Leland takes my family back home.

Since my flight for Washington (for Linda's funeral) leaves at 6:45 in the morning I decide its best for me to be down there the night before. Later that night while talking to Rory he mentions that the UA showed blood in the urine so the hospital wanted to do an ultrasound the following day.

Friday morning I get to the airport and off on my trip. As we were taxiing into Seattle my sister Lori calls and says Kevin has a surprise for me. After she assures me that its not our Dad I relax. He and I have a strange relationship and really I didn't want to deal with him and his drunkenness on top of everything else. Call me a brat, but I was tired of nonsense. I call Kevin and tell him I am at baggage claim and ask him where he wants to meet me. He tells me he is about 10 minutes out and it would be easiest to meet him out side on the curb. As I am standing there I see his blazer go by with no other than our father in the passengers seat. UGGGH! Really! Anyway I guess that gave me a little time to face the reality. On Kevin's second trip around the airport he sees me, pulls in and I toss my bags in and we go. This is when I start trying to asses the situation. Is Kevin tense because that's just Kevin? Is he having a hard time with his mothers death? Or is our dad already drunk? Turns out Kevin was just being himself and shockingly my Dad hadn't had anything to drink that day. But it was only noon so I had to contain my shock.

The view from Linda's porch

The rest of the afternoon went pretty good. It turns out that my Dad and his new wife Julie flew to Washington, rented a U-Haul, and planed on taking Lori back to Colorado with them right after the funeral so we mostly got her packed up and ready to go.

Later that evening we went to a memorial service that the town was having for Linda. On the way there I got a text from Dani telling me to call Rory. Linda lived in a beautiful but tiny remote town that didn't get very good cell service so while we were at the memorial I noticed that the service was decent so I called Rory.

I could tell by his voice that he was trying to stay upbeat but wasn't having much success ad he told me that the CT scan showed that the cancer was back and all over his kidney. I was sick, scared and heartbroke all at the same time. I sat there in Kevin's car and just bawled on the phone to Rory. How could it already be back? The transplant was only 3 months ago. I was more upset to hear the news this time than I was with the initial diagnosis. I felt horrible here I am over a thousand miles away at a funeral for someone who died of cancer hearing my husband (whose trying to be strong for my sake) say that the last 10 months of Hell have been a waste. At that moment all I wanted was to be home and in his arm. That night I cried myself to sleep.

Due to Lori's teenage rebellious stunts she pulled on Friday night things were pretty tense. Around 9 Kevin, Josh (Kevin's cousin) and I headed to Sunny Side (which is about 2.5 hours away). The funeral was surprisingly small but nice. Lori had a hard time and Kevin was his usual emotionless self. With all that was going on at home I was glad that I could be there for them. I was very impressed that during the time I was up there I never once saw my Dad take a drink, and he was actually pleasant to be around. After the funeral lunch my Dad, Julie and Lori took off for Colorado and Kevin, Josh and I went back to Linda's house. That night the 3 of us had a good conversation about Kevin's future and Kevin even asked me how I was doing. This was a shocker (and touching) since he is usually so quiet and keeps to himself.

Beautiful Washington scenery

The next morning they drove me back to the airport and I came home. It was a very emotionally trying weekend. I guess it was just another test to over come. I feel like these days I am all tested out.

Hitting the Lake and Lindas death

2010-07-15T23:04:00.002-07:00

July 5, 2010

After an upsetting 4th I really wanted to have some fun, so what could be more fun than Danika and I on good ol' Lyman lake. Rock, Meagan and RJ had never been to the lake with us so Ror and I called them, found sitters and hit the lake.

The weather was nice, the water got a little choppy towards the end but we had a blast. Poor Rory who can't get in the lake (due to bacteria) was our awesome driver and allowed us to have a good time on the tube and the knee board.

Captain Rory

Danika and Meagan

Rock and Meagan

We couldn't stay long because both of our sitters had plans later that day so we were only out there for about 5 hours but as out of shape as I am and as tired as Rory gets that was plenty. Danika and I mentioned many times that summer could officially start because we were finally on the lake together.

Me knee boarding

Rock wiping out

Meagan trying to get up

While we were on the lake I got the phone call that my ex-step mom Linda (who I have known for 25 years) died early that morning. She had been fighting cancer for awhile. I had decided earlier when we knew her time was limited that I needed to go to Washington to be at the funeral for my brother Kevin who is 19 and our sister Lori who is only 14.

4th of July

2010-07-15T23:04:00.001-07:00

Saturday July 3, 2010

The 4th of July this year was no where near the fun that the past 10 were. Yes circumstances change and things are different but part of me wanted so badly for this to be an awesome weekend that I think I lost sight of reality.

We woke up, got fed, and then dressed into what the girls called "Happy Birthday America" dresses. We drove down to our parade spot and waited for the parade. The girls were excited and it was all anyone could do to keep Kyrri out of the street. The parade was nice and the weather wasn't to bad but Rory was exhausted already and it was only 10:30.

Our patriotic princesses

Look...the parades coming

Cousins

After the parade we went to the Crowthers for lunch and we all enjoyed Dani's chocolate chip cookies. Rory napped and the girls enjoyed playing with there cousins so Danika and I decided to slip off and go to the Rodeo. Again I just wasn't feeling it, plus the rodeo wasn't half as exciting as past years-they didn't have the pick up race or the pony express this year.

An American Family

After the rodeo my mom wanted the older kids to come play for a little while so I took them over there for a little while. Well my Moms horse spooked while my she had got off to look for something and she ended up screwing up her knee so badly that we tryed to get her to go to the ER. But being the stubborn woman she is she refused. Well before I knew it I was running late for a photo shoot and didn't have time to drop off the kids anywhere so as we pulled up to the church building I told Race and Ty to stay in the car. They have more toys and entertainment in the car than should be legal and I didn't want them distracting the kids whose pictures I was taking.

So we are going along and getting the pictures taken and fighting with the sun and shadows from the trees when all of the sudden I hear Race crying and saying she is bleeding. In my mind I already knew what happened-her and Ty go to fighting so Ty hit or scratched her causing a tiny bit of blood but because I was busy, there was a crowd and she was tired she was going to make a huge deal about it. So trying to be professional and mad at myself that I didn't leave the kids somewhere I just ignored it and tryed to go on with the shoot. After the huge group picture was taken Race was still crying so Cheryl (Judd) walked over to her while I got all the grandkids together for their picture. Cheryl then told me I needed to see what Race had done and on my way over to the car she pulled up the back of Races red shirt and all I could see was blood running down her back. Okay, okay so I know I am far from Mother of the Year but damn it I told her to stay in the car and now this happens!! Without knowing where all the blood was coming from I grabbed a bottle of water from the car and poured it on the back of her head. Sure enough she split her head open after she fell out of the car. Thankfully the Judd family has a doctor and a nurse in the family so they told me that yes she could get a few stitches but really there was no need. Okay enough said let me call someone to come get the kids and I will finish the photo shoot. I call Danika and RJ and ask them to come get the girls. RJ is an EMT so I figured that he could watch and monitor her in case of a concussion and I could finish what I was getting paid to do. Well the Judd family decided that I didn't need to worry about them and I needed to be with Race. I was embarrassed, mad, frustrated, and freaked out all at the same time so this lead to a fight with Rory who was mad that I didn't call him about Race first. In my defence there was nothing he could do-he was too loopy to even drive not to mention I had the car and he was at his moms. Anyway we got past that and we all went home. Race was doing okay but was tired and sore from all the commotion. I seriously thought about not going to the fire works but changed my mind after the girls begged to go, after all the 4th of July fireworks only happen once a year. Once we were there I was glad that we went, it was a good stress reliever and I even sold $75 worth of glow sticks so that made it even better.

By far it wasn't the greatest 4th of July but it will be one that we remember. When I think of bad days I can't help but think how much worse it could be if we weren't blessed to live in this amazing country and free to do as we please and are protected by the men and women of the armed forces who help make it possible. I am truly proud to be an American.

A special thanks to the Judd family (and their spouses) for being such kind and understanding human beings!!

Good Bye Tucson!

2010-07-15T23:03:00.000-07:00

June 29, 2010

Today was officially our last day in Tucson! We looked forward to this day for so long that I was actually surprised that I was kind of sad and nervous to leave. Usually when we left if was only for a few days but now we wouldn't be back for months. Tucson was like our life line, if we had questions we asked the doctors, in we needed a hospital it was right there. We knew everyone here (in the medical field anyway) and they knew us and all that Rory has been through.

We woke up in our apartment one last time packed up everything that wasn't already taken home and said good bye to St. Phillips Corner apartment number 2106, a place that was our home away from home for the past 3 months.

bedroom

kitchen and dining

living room

After Rory's final appointment with Dr. Yeagar we made the final drive home. It didn't take me long to get over the melancholy and get excited at the thought of my own house again. So long Tucson!

In the past 3 months I did accomplish quiet a bit. Most of it was to help keep my sanity, but here is an idea of some of the things I got done.

128 scrapbook pages

Entire quilt for Kyrri

Tied fleece blanket for Ty

Tied fleece blanket for Race

Knitted a huge afghan (it took 15 bundles of yarn)

Made 11 hair bows/flowers

Read 5 novels

Knitted 2 beanies

Sewed a Blankie for Kyrri & her doll

Made 3 picture frames for Mothers Day

Made 2 scrapbook albums

KyrriJo's quilt

The afagan

Idle hands are the devils work shop and when I am home I rarely have time to do the things that I want to do so this was a time when I had lots of time on my hands and I am glad I made the most of it and have things to show for it.

Race and Ty's week

2010-06-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

June 21-25 2010

Since Kyrri got her own week and we knew that our time in Tucson we coming to an end we had both Race and Ty come down together for a week.

On the first day they were there of course they wanted to swim. All day long they bugged me about going and I had put it off until about 5 p.m. since it was so stinking hot and I didn't really want to get in with them. They were having a good ol' time but Race's noodle kept getting away from her and she kept asking me to get it for her because she was scared of the bee that was on it. I kept telling her to quit being a wimp and just get it herself, the bee is not going to sting her. She of course told me that if I was so sure why didn't I get it for her.

They loved the pool

I wasn't not helping her because I was scared, I wasn't doing it because I was lazy. So finally after hearing her whine long enough I was going to prove to her that she didn't need to be a wimp all the time. Well I will be damned if I didn't get stung!! I didn't even see the stupid bee that did it but sure enough I felt the burn on the side of my hand and saw the stinger. So again Race didn't learn the lesson-I did. I hadn't been stung in a very long time and I totally forgot how bad it sucks. My hand hurt like hell and swelled up like a fat little babys.

The next day was my 27th birthday and Rory had appointments pretty much all day so the girls hung out with us at the cancer center. We also went to Borders where I knew Race would enjoy herself, she loves books and is doing a good job reading this summer. For my birthday celebration we all went out the Black Angus and enjoyed prime rib. The girls were in heaven because we also ordered dessert afterwards.

Enjoying their dessert

On Wednesday the girls and I met Crystal, Kristi, and there kids at the splash pad and let them run around and enjoy themselves. Afterwards Crystal and I went and had lunch and chatted while the kids played so that was enjoyable.

Race enjoying the "water park"

Ty at the splash pad

On Thursday I took the girls to the mall and let them each pick something from The Disney store. They really don't need any more toys but I guess part of me felt guilty that they have been through so much the past 10 months. They were ecstatic and took forever deciding what they want. Correction Race took forever, Ty will usually see something she wants and will not change her mind for anything. Race on the other hand has to look at everything and will change her mind 5 times before settling on something.

On Friday Rory had his last radiation appointment and that was an awesome step for us. It simply meant that we were that much closer to being completely done with Tucson. After that morning appointment we drove back home so the girls could make it to their barrel race.

Leaving the last radiation appointment

It was fun having the 2 older girls. We can do so much more when we just have them and its nice to be able to enjoy them without having lil miss Kyrri be jealous.

Relay For Life

2010-06-21T12:09:00.002-07:00

June 18th-19th

I had first heard about the Relay for Life from my sister-in-law Meagan who had joined the team "Hatch Toyota". She told me that the Relay for Life was an event that took place over a 12 hour period. Teams get together and walk the track for 12 hours. As long as someone from your team is on the track at all times you are good. Teams also try to raise money and all of the proceeds go to The American Cancer Society. After thinking about it I decided that I wanted to start my own team-"Team Round Valley". With that a lot of thought and preparation went into what turned out to be an awesomely fun night that I won't soon forget.

On Friday afternoon Danika, Kyrri and I drove to Show Low to get our camp site set up. I had a huge tent that Rory had bought me for my birthday last year that I had never set up before. Thanks to "Team Springerville Generating Station" we got it up. Around 5:30 all of our team mates started showing up in there camouflage. Each team had a theme and since Rory inspired me to form our team I chose "hunting for a cure".

At 6 the opening ceremonies started and following that was the "survivor lap". Rory and his cousin Crystal walked that together and I thats when the water works really started. Here was my husband fresh from a stem cell transplant beatting cancer. I was so proud of him that I couldnt help the tears. At one point RaceaJade grabed his hand and walked with him, and one the final stretch Ty and I joined them. After all my kids are survivors of this horriable disease too.

Rory and Crystal

All the local survivors

A survivor a team captian and their camoflauged kids

After that lap all the teams took a lap with there banners and the real fun began. We ate navajo tacos and enjoyed each others company. I was just so glad to be away from Tucson doing something fun with people I love. Rory was worn out after a few hours and went home with his Dad. A little while after that my Mom took my girls home with her. The rest of us stayed and sold our glow sticks. They sold quick and we enjoyed competing on who could sell more.

Throughout the night we played games like tug a war, had dance contests (which Briana won), sang kariokee and had a hillarous lap with a frozen T-shirt. Thanks to J.D. Katie and Gerard we made our full lap but did not win the contest. Another memorable moment was when J.D. really took one for the team by letting Briana smear peanut butter all over his face and then stood there while she threw cheetos at him trying to make them stick-in that compition we took 2nd. We walked laps, told stories, and enjoyed a bowl of chilli at 2 a.m. The majority of us stayed up all night/morning long and were full of energy till about 4:00 on Saturday morning. About then we were all tired and ready to be done. Around 5:00 we packed up and were gone by 6. It was a fun and memoriable 12 hours and it wouldn't have been without my awesome team (plus two from another team Wendy and Meagan).

Trying to get the frozen t-shirt apart

Tug a war that our side won...twice

JD taking 1 for the team

Doing the YMCA

Singing Kariokee (and not very good)

Watching the sun come up after a fun night

Team Round Valley
Alexa Finch (Captian)~Rory Finch (Survivor)~Danika Carnright~Lacey Penrod~J.D. Finch~Briana Finch ~Leland Crowther~Katie Tucker~Crystal Cordova (Survivor)~Jim Finch Jr.~Kelly Gutierrez~Gerard Gutierrez ~Cindy Irvine~Tina Penrod~Lisa McCall~Callie Newby
*Jaquetta Hough*Denae Greffe*Nancy Finch

*weren't able to come

KyrriJo's Week

2010-06-21T12:09:00.001-07:00

June 14-17 2010

Having KyrriJo with us was great, she is so much fun and easy when she is by herself. Since there wasn't any toys at our apartment I took her to Wal-mart and bought her a baby. She loves it!! It even giggles like she does.

We took Kyrri with us to Rorys appointments (of course) and all the old people at the cancer center and the hospital just loved her. You think people get a kick out of when someone brings there dog to the clinic you should see the response Kyrri got. It helped that she wasn't grouchy and had a fresh diaper.

Daddy & Kyrri walking to the hospital

I had been meaning to sew Kyrri a blankie so having her there was the perfect time. She even helped me with part of it. Its not easy to sew with a baby on your lap but she had fun. I even had some scrap so I made her new baby a blankie too. She really liked that but mostly wore it on her head instead of wrapping her baby up.

Helping Mom sew her blankie

Baby's matching blankies

One afternoon to ward off cabin fever we took her to the mall to play in the kids area. She had fun running around but you could tell she missed her sisers and wanted someone to chase her around like they would so lovingly do.

Playing at the mall

On Thursday evening we got to go home and that brought an end to Kyrri's one on one time with Mom and Dad. It was a fun week and we all enjoyed it.

Crowther Reunion

2010-06-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

June 11-13, 2010

The Crowther family reunion was this weekend and as usual it was a relaxing good time. Rory didn't have anything scheduled so we decided to meet our girls for the reunion in Happy Jack. Not knowing how to get there we typed "Happy Jack" into the ol' Tom Tom, it asked me if I wanted to avoid unpaved roads-knowing that it was a camp area I didn't think that was possible so I told it "no". This was a bad idea! The road that it took us on started out gravel then became a two-track and eventually a trail. If we were in anything but a lifted 4wheel drive vehicle we would not have made it. Not to mention we had to drive down this "road" for 23 miles. Stupid Tom!!

Ugly lil fellow we saw on the "road" to Happy Jack

Once we got there and got cell phone service we started getting calls about the Round Valley High School being hit by a plane. Most people calling were worried about Wendy my mother-in-law who works at the school all year round. I too would have been worried about her but she was standing in front of me holding my baby who was excited to see her parents.

It has become a tradition in our house that if you start sleeping in your own room and can continue to for 2 weeks you get a bike. Well Ty had been doing this for over a month so she was due for a bike and since Race and Jayden would have there bikes at the reunion it was only fair for Ty to get one so Rory and I bought one on our way out of Tucson. Anyway Ty was stoked about it and ended up naming the bike "La La"-don't ask the child has a very large imagination!!

Ty with her new bike

The reunion was pretty easy going and we had a lot of fun. I enjoyed seeing my girls again and getting to spend some time with them. Rory had a hard time with the high altitude but did enjoy being in the "wilderness" and the extra sleep he was able to get. The Crowthers are a laid back bunch who enjoy simplicity, and are also some of the funnest people to be around.

Race & Gaven guarding the flag

Both Ty & Dad are ready for bed

Kyrri enjoying campfire songs

Race crashed out by the fire

On Sunday when it was time to pack up and leave I couldn't pry myself away from Kyrri who had become attached to me since I arrived at camp. Knowing that we would have to go back to Round Valley the following weekend I decided to take Kyrri back to Tucson with us for the week. It seamed like an easier idea than having to pry her out of my arms and watching her cry as we drove away again.

8 years!!

2010-06-01T09:50:00.001-07:00

June 1, 2010

Today Rory and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. He and I have been through so much in the last 10 years that we've known each other I don't even know where to start. Here are just a few things:

FBI investigations (blowing up the outhouse)

Rory bought me my 1st puppy (Homer)

I got baptized

Senior prom

September 11, 2001

A 9 month engagement

A great wedding

Awesome honeymoon in Hawaii

Got a puppy (Maggie)

Living in a small but great house

Got sealed in the temple

The birth of our 1st child Ms. RaceaJade Marie

Lost an awesome dog (RIP Copper)

Building a new home

The birth of our 2nd girl Ms. TyLee Rae

The death of my beloved Granddad

Awesome cruise to Alaska

I broke my foot

Ty got her tonsils removed

Fabulous California vacation

Separation/Depression

Birth of our 3rd daughter KyrriJo McLain

Road trip to Wyoming with 3 kids

Race started school

Cancer diagnosis

Major surgery

6 months of chemo

Bone marrow transplant

Living in Tucson for 2.5 + months w/o our kids

I know there are many more things to list but some of our most memorable good or bad moments. Rory has been my center, my rock, and my biggest source of strength. I thank our Heavenly Father for him nightly and cherish our time together and look forward to a life time and beyond with him.

This year we simply went to a steakhouse for dinner where I gorged myself & loved every bite!

A week with the kids

2010-06-01T09:49:00.001-07:00

May 31 2010

On Monday morning Rory, Danika, the kids and I all loaded up and drove back down to Tucson. Since Race is out of school now we thought we would bring the kids down to be with us for the remainder of our time here. I was hesitant about having them down here with Rory feeling so bad but he insisted. It was great knowing Dani would be here with us for the 1st week because she is a HUGE help to us and always has been. She really has been a life saver for us and our girls.

About 2.5 hours into the drive Kyrri threw up everywhere. That was a shock and not a fun experience, or smell but we had no other choice that to clean up the best we could, strap her back in the car seat and keep going.

Later that afternoon we met with the transplant doctor (Dr. Yeagar) and he just went over some concerns we had and told us that Rory needed to have some hydration to prepare him for radiation.

Tuesday Rory was feeling really bad and only wanted to sleep so Danika and I took the girls to the dollar theater to watch The Last Song. I figured the girls would like it since Miley Cyrus is in it and there went any other kids movies playing. That was a disaster! KyrriJo was a terror!! She pooped so I took her out to change her, she quietly played in the isle until she found an opened sucker from who knows where and we took it away. She screamed so I took her out until she was good. About that time Ty had to potty so I took her. Then Kyrri screamed again so I took her to the back of the theater where she could quietly roam around. About then Danika has Race by the hand and runs past me saying Race has to throw up. After that the movie was almost over so we all sat on the floor in the back to finish it out. When it was over I went to our row to grab our stuff while Dani and the kids were in the lobby. When I got back to her she told me some old lady chewed her out while another lady was telling the old lady that it wasn't bad and that it was a family film anyway. I was PISSED!! This was the 1$ seating at a matinee it an old theater during a family film not the $12 seating at a Harkins during a new release drama.

I found the lady who chewed out Danika and went the rounds with her. Normally I am not that kind of person...well, actually I am I guess...just not when my kids are with me. Finally after I calmly tryed to apologize to the wench and she continued to chew me out I asked her flat out "do you want your dollar back?" That kind of shut her up...for a second and she started in again so I looked at both girls I had in hand and told them "even when your old don't ever act like that" and the ol' bag continued to tell me that she had taught her kids right from wrong when I cut her off and told her "thats what I am doing right now and you are an example of wrong". That ended it and we loaded up to head back to the apartment. Once we were driving I lost it and started crying, that was a new low for me and I was embarrassed. Feeling my tension Ty started to cry and said "I wanna go back to Eagar" and all I could say was "me too".

I quickly had to push aside my feelings and hurry across town to pick up Rory for his 1st radiation appointment. During the drive I told Rory everything that happened and how hard it was going to be to have the kids down here when Danika leaves.

The radiation only takes about 15 minutes but leaves Rory sore and tired. After he was done we took the girls out by the pool to blow bubbles and relax. Race wasn't feeling good still but we didn't know why until Danika too puked. After talking to Wendy she told us that both her and Meagan had been puking too but they thought it was something they ate. Wrong we have a bug among us!! Sure enough after dinner Race threw up again and once the kids were in bed and I was chilling in front of the TV I too had to run to the bathroom. My thoughts were scary. What if this gets to Rory, how are we going to function this way, now that my stomach is empty what if I get a migraine in the morning, ect. What a perfectly sucky ending to a perfectly sucky day.

Thankfully when I woke up in the morning I was doing a lot better and was even able to eat breakfast. The kids were feeling good and being noisy so I knew that in order for Rory to get the rest he needed we needed to leave so Danika suggested the zoo. It was a great idea and the kids loved it.

Kyrri looking at the animals

Loving the zebras

Being flamingos

Watching the elephant

Feeding the giraffe

Sharing lunch with the peacock

The zoo wasn't very big so it only took us a little under 3 hours to get through it. When we got back to the apartment Rory was still in bed and asked me to come talk to him. He then got emotional and told me how he was wrong for thinking the kids should be down here with us. It was a tough conversation for him because he wants so badly to be able to help and play with the kids. I trying to be the rock told him we would do whatever it took to just get this experience behind us and move on-even if that meant being away from the kids again. After Rory talked to Danika she again agreed to continue to watch our children. Again she saved us.

Playing Yahtzee with his girls

After dinner we all went to the mall so the girls could play in the play area and burn some of their energy. Our complex doesn't have a lawn or play area other than the pool so they are pretty cooped up in our little 1 bedroom apartment.

Thursday morning we went to the Cancer Center again and before we met with the doctor a man with the Ken Olsen Foundation (kenolsenfoundation.org) found us and gave us a check. It was a huge blessing for us. Being in Tucson an extra 6 weeks has been a financial burden and this foundation was more than willing to help. We will forever be grateful to everyone who have helped us from the beginning to the present.

Rory felt bad all day and continues to throw up at least once a day. Another blessing happened latter that day when a couple we met earlier came back to buy our chevy. I had mixed feelings about letting it go since it was the 1st vehicle Rory and I bought together 6 years ago and I loved that truck! But on the other hand we could really use the money and we didn't need to continue paying insurance on something we hardly drive anymore.

Dani the girls and I played in the pool for a few hours so that was a fun way to spend the afternoon. Ty has always been a little water dog and is fearless when it comes to things like that. Race is a lot more cautious but learned quick that her water wings will hold her up, after that she was unstoppable and even jumping off the sides of the pool. Kyrri just liked to troll around in her shaded seat and watch her wind up frog chase her.

Kyrri and her frog

Ty enjoying her noodle

Race taking the plunge

KyrriJo chilling

After dinner we went to a park so again the kids could burn some energy. I wish I had just a fraction of the energy they have.

Fun at the park

Friday after Rorys radiation appointment we all drove home and again after about 2.5 hours of being in the car Kyrri threw up. I have never had a car sick child so now I know that if we are going on a long drive not to let her have milk in her bottle. YUCKY!! So after pulling over for her and Rory to puke it took us about 4.5 hours to get home. All of us were super happy to be back in our element especially KyrriJo.

Saturday morning I got up and got the kids ready for there rodeo and Rory even felt good enough to join us. Usually my mom takes care of everything so we just have to show up but since she is in Montana I had to go hook up the 2 horse to the yukon, grab Suz, saddles and other junk and get everyone ready to ride. The rodeo was fun and Rory enjoyed visiting with people who were to stand outside the yukon and talk to him.

Later that night Rory, Dani, and I went to Fat Head and Hollys wedding. Fat Head has been a friend of ours for over 10 years and we wouldn't have missed his special day. Again it was nice to see people we hadn't seen in awhile. Jeremy and Holly expressed how happy they were to have us their and I couldn't resist getting a picture. Holly looked so pretty and Fat Head couldn't be happier.

Mr. & Mrs Fat Head Porter

Since Rory loves UFC and there was an awesome fight that night I bought it for him as our anniversary gift. Pay-per-view events are not something we purchase on a regular basis these days, heck $45 buck is almost a full take of gas for my guzzler yukon. Since Rory knew Terell & Lacey would like to watch the fight he called him to come over. By the end of the night J.D. and Briana joined us too and after the fight we all got to talking about years past and I hadn't laughed that hard or that much in months. Rory and I have been together for 10 years and I have known his brothers even longer than that so it was fun to reminisce and remember far less stressful times.

After church on Sunday J.D. asked Rory to go shooting with him and Terell so we and our girls met them and again had a good time. Rory couldn't do a lot of shooting due to fatigue but he had a good time just being outside with a gun in his hand. While the guys shot it was Lacey, Briana, and my job to keep 10 kids corralled and out of the way. I am glad my girls have cousins to play with because I was only to see mine in the summer when I was shipped up to Montana and I love the memories I have during those times so I am glad my girls have cousins close to them.

Monday afternoon we again said good bye to our girls and drove back down to Tucson. I thought the girls would take it hard but they really didn't. I think they understand that right now daddy has to be taken care of and Tucson and apartment life really isn't much fun.

Keep on keeping on

2010-06-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

May 22, 2010

Another week in review:

Sunday night/Monday morning was horrible for Rory. He was on the toilet almost every hour. The Cancer Center confirmed that he had C. Diff (a highly contagious bacterial infection in the GI track) and put him on more meds. He is down to 150 pounds. He mentioned that he doesn't even remember what its like to feel good, because it has been so long since he has. It broke my heart because I know how true it is.

Tuesday he was doing a little better and we were able go to a movie. We also bought a new (extremely cheep) mattress for the apartment now that his counts are good enough we can sleep in the same bed. Katie came to town and after we had dinner with her she stayed at our apartment and I enjoyed staying up late talking with her.

Wednesday morning Rory had to fast since he was having a scope test done in the afternoon. It was a long day for him because his appointment was at 2:00 but it wasn't until almost 4 that they took him back to do the procedure. Need less to say he was starving by the time he was released. The good new was that the doctor didn't see anything to worry about it his stomach. Just that his "food pipe" was still a little smashed due to the mass.

Thursday we spent all day in the Cancer Center getting hydration and other IV meds. Rory also came to the conclusion that since Race would be out of school on Friday the girls needed to be in Tucson with us. I had mixed emotions about this because I know how hard it is to have all the girls but to add doctors visits and Rory feeling sick all the time on top of it just seamed like A LOT. After he expressed how much he just wanted to be with his girls I was sold. I too wanted to be close to my girls on a daily basis. After Danika said she would come down with us for the 1st week it was a done deal.

Friday morning Rorys counts were so good that we were able to go back home. I packed up all my scrapbooking to make room for the girls who will be joining us next week. I will miss not having my scrapbooking stuff down here with us but having the kids will keep me busy enough.

Saturday evening we all went to the home of Jack and Betts McCall for Marti's wedding. It was a short and sweet ceremony in the neatly decorated attic. It is nice to see Marti happy and her kids beaming with pride for their new step dad. Together the couple have 6 kids!! I hope the best for all of them and hope Kendal, Jaylee, and cute little Colt enjoy living in Utah. Ty and Kyrri will sure miss them.

Every week feels like a milestone of some sort and I guess the only way to get to the end of this is to just keep on keeping on.

50 days in Tucson and counting...

2010-05-13T20:51:00.001-07:00

May 15, 2010

This way a very eventful week with A LOT of ups and downs, but all is well that ends well.

Monday morning Rory went into the hospital to have his Hickman port (lines) removed. It was a minor surgery and it went well. It left him sore and tired so we just kind of hung out at the apartment afterwards.

Tuesday morning he met with the radiologist to start developing a plan of attack for his chest mass. After his CT scan and got some tattoos. They are nothing cool like skulls and crossbones, an "I Love Mom" heart or even a naked sailor girl, nope they are just 3 small dots that look like freckles on his chest. These are used to line up the lasers so that the radiation hits the exact same spot every time. Rory mentioned that the tattooing wasn't half as bad as the pain he was in from laying on a table trying to balance on his spine. The poor guys is literally just flesh and bones.

Wednesday morning Rory and I got up, got our church clothes on and drove to Safford to see the new Gila Valley temple. It was a nice drive that I've never been on so that was enjoyable. The temple was beautiful and I enjoyed seeing it. I would have enjoyed it more however if Rory was doing better than he was. He was so fatigued that he was offered (and refused) a wheelchair twice but did his best and we got through. During lunch he jumped up and went outside quickly only to come back and tell me what I feared-he was throwing up. We got back to Tucson and the vomiting continued all night.

He can't thank Subway for this weight loss

Gila Valley Temple

Thursday marked the 50th day we have been in Tucson, and yes it feels like 50 days if not more. Due to Rory still having nausea issues he was given IV fluid, and had a CT scan done to see if everything was okay with his chest and stomach, which it did.

Back home Danika was taken to the ER where she was too was dehydrated and had part of her intestine paralyzed due to a flu in her guts. I tell you if its not one thing its another. Or in our case if its not one ill/injured family member it's three or four.

Friday morning we went back to the Cancer Center and since Rory was still having problems with vomiting they decided to have him admitted into the hospital. So after his IV was finished we went back the the apartment to gather some things. As I prepared to make a last minute bathroom stop my new phone (that I got for mothers day) went SPLASH! Yep it fell in the un-used (clean) toilet. I quickly saved it and tryed my best to dry it off.

I also told Rory that we should take our Chevy that we are trying to sell to the hospital with us because it would get more publicity there than just sitting at our gated apartment complex. He agreed so we took it. We walked into the hospital suitcase in tow and made that walk to the BMT floor. It was like a flash back and a bad dream all in one. We are supposed to be going forward not backwards. I tryed to stay light hearted and up beat because I knew Rory was not liking the idea of being back in the place that he had spent so many horrible moments.

As I went out to the truck to get more stuff I saw it...A DENT...in the truck we are trying to sell. So of course there was no note and phone number on the windshield. Yep it was a hit and run and maybe its the Republican in me but I would guess it was an illegal with no insurance. So after dealing with security I decided I was done with the day and just camped out in front of the TV with Rory and my knitting. Nights in the hospital are horrible with the hourly checks and noisy machines or my favorite the crappy chair that I got to "sleep" in.

The dent

Back in the hospital

Saturday morning found Rory free from vomiting so the doctors decided that if he could keep his lunch and oral meds down he could be discharged. At 4 pm thats what happened we were free to leave the BMT floor (and hospital) again.

Sunday morning Rory was feeling good enough that he suggested we find a ward and go to sacrament. So after looking in the phone book he made some calls and got the directions to a ward that started at 11. We had a hard time finding it because unlike Mesa, Tucson does not have LDS buildings on every corner. We finally found the building at got sat down right at 11, and it was also about that time we discovered it was a SPANISH speaking ward. It was the longest sacrament ever, but the Spirit was the same. It made my 1st time to an out-of-town ward memorable just not understandable. Right after sacrament Rory wasn't feeling so good so we went back to the apartment where I developed a migraine and did all I could to keep it from getting completely out of control. Rory was also experiencing major diarrhea and having a hard time with that as it continued through the night.

Just another week in paradise...okay maybe not paradise...I think hell would be a more accurate description some days. But through it all we both truly feel blessed and we know who to thank for blessings we receive.

GONE HOME

2010-05-11T20:55:00.001-07:00

May 6th rolled around and we spent the morning loading up the yukon so that as soon as Rorys appointment was over we could head home for the weekend!

At about 2:30 after his appointment went well we were on our way and it felt great. I think I was more excited than Rory but despite all his fatigue he assured me he was more than happy to be going home for a few days. It was his first time home in 6 weeks.

After 4 hours, an audio book and a bag of BBQ sunflower seeds we were home! I could here the girls screaming with excitement from outside and I could tell they were happy too. As soon as we got through the door we were bombarded with hugs and stories. The girls even made a "welcome home daddy" sign. Kyrri walked over to the recliner where Rory was sitting and backed up to the chair and waited for him to pick her up. She was glad to have her daddy home and enjoyed rocking with him for a little while.

Friday morning after Race was off to school Rory went to the eye doctor and I started on the mound of laundry I brought from Tucson. I hate the tiny washers and all the quarters I have to use to do laundry. Then around 9 we ran up to Luna to drop off our Chevy to have the tires changed out and of course to visit Vada at Bear Wallow. We were pressed for time so we drove back home to go to Races kindergarden program. She had a small part and did well. She has always loved being in front of an audience. Rory wasn't feeling very good from the moment we got to the primary school so he mostly hung his head and tryed not to pass out from fatigue but all the same Race was glad he came so he thought it was worth it.

Singing "Lets hear it for America"

Races kindergarden program

Then to continue on with the excitement of the day Race had her jazz dance recital later that night. So again Rory was feeling sick but glad he could see his daughters performance. Race loves to dance and she did really good. I cant help but to feel overjoyed when I see her doing something she loves to do.

RaceaJade after her dance recital

After we got home that night the girls and I were messing around in my bathroom when Rory came bolting threw the door trying to get to the toilet to puke. WHAT!! He never throws ups what is going on? I didn't even cook dinner so it couldn't have been that. After the kids calmed down and were in bed Rory complained that his bladder hurt and had a rough night sleeping due to the pain.

Saturday morning he told me he thinks he has kidney stones so I looked it up on the Internet and it was a high possibility that he was correct. My first thoughts were to pack back up and get ready to go back to Tucson but after talking with Rory he explained how there was really nothing that could be done for him and since he didn't have a fever there was really no reason to go back yet. Then he told me he just really wanted to go to church on Sunday. I understood his logic and his desire so I quit packing.

At 12:30 Race and Ty had a barrel race so Rory, Kyrri, and I stayed in the car and watched them. While we were in the car a gal by the name of Anita Mills came up to us and thanked Rory for a blessing he had given her in the Eagar ER a year and a half ago. She had broken her hand really badly and Rorys sister Kelly had called him in to give her a blessing. Anita told Rory that the Flagstaff doctors told her that it was the 2nd worst brake they had ever seen. She was just so happy that she had use of her hand and could hold her reins. As she was telling us this all three of us teared up. O how I love the gospel.

the girls on SU-Z Q

Sunday morning came and it was so unlike any other Mothers Day I have had. Usually on Sundays and especially on Mothers Day I would get to sleep in while Rory made breakfast. But no not this day. He was doing all he could to get out of bed and not double over in pain. His church pants were so big on him that he resembled a well dressed rodeo clown/thug. Usually he is able to help me with getting the kids ready but again that was not the case. Kyrri woke up with her eyes gooped shut so I figured we were going to fight another round of pink eye so I had to keep her away from Rory the best I could.

I have figured out that I can take care of the kids fine when its just me and them and I am good when its just Rory and I but when the 5 of us are together I get overwhelmed easy. I think because in the back of my mind I think he can still help me out but reality says he can't so its a little difficult.

Church was really good and I am glad Rory got the chance to go, even though he could only make it through sacrament. Its always nice to see the support of friends and our ward family.

After church we went and saw all our mothers and then drove back down to Tucson. It was great to be home for the weekend even if it was busy. I look forward to the day when we can stay home for good.

Me and the girls in our comfy clothes after church

Family Reunion

2010-05-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

May 3, 2010

What a good week its been. With Rory doing a little better with every week that passes we are able to SLOWLY get back to a "normal" life. If we can call living in an apartment in Tucson, not working, living without our kids, and experiencing 100 degree plus weather normal than that is what we are getting use to. Rorys fatigue is still a major hurdle and it is something that is hard to plan around. He will feel great and ready to go do something one minute then dog tired the next. I have gotten use to dining with him asleep on the other side of the table, in public. We get many curious glances and all I can do is smile and wave back and fight back the urge to tell curious on lookers that he moonlights as a stripper so days are hard on him. I am sure they would know I was joking when they look again at his 153 pound frame that his spine protrudes from. No, the only pole Rory is near these days are the ones he finds to lean up against when he runs out of energy while we are on an outing.

Do to being tired of being couped up in the hospital, cancer center, or apartment we try to go to the cheap theater a few times a week. On Tuesdays movies are only a dollar so we make sure we can do that. I have no problem staying busy where ever we are but Rory has a hard time even reading for long stretches.

The best part of the week came on Friday evening when we were sitting at the apartment with the front door opened and I heard the sound of my girls running down the walk way in our direction. I knew emotional moments were to come since this would be Rorys 1st time to see all the girls in 5 weeks. Sure enough they came through the door, spotted there dad in a recliner and ran to him screaming "daddy, daddy". The tears started to fall all around. Kyrri wasn't too sure about her daddy for the 1st few minutes but after that was more than happy to go stand by him waiting for him to hold her. It was the first time that "The Finch 5" were all under the same roof in over a month and it was a great feeling.

Saturday morning the kids were dying to get into the swimming pool so I tryed stalling them for as long as I could knowing the water would be cold. Eventually they won and Danika agreed to go in with them. They had a lot of fun and it was great watching them enjoy themselves. Rory even came out and watched them from a lounge chair.

Sunday morning everyone left pretty early in the day because they got word of the snow that was falling. As always it was hard to say good bye to the girls again but it was especially hard seeing how it effected Rorys spirits.

All in all it was a good week. One more down with many more to come...

A full month in Tucson

2010-04-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

April 26, 2010

Wednesday (Day +12) was the soonest Rory could get out of the hospital but with his mucasitous and low counts being discharged was put off for another day. Mentally Rory was definitely ready to get out, to be free of "Slim" (the IV pole), to get uninterrupted sleep, and mostly just a breath of fresh air. They did however disconnect Rory from Slim on Wednesday and in was like a new sense of freedom. When we did our laps that day it was so much easier and even fun as we would playfully push each other around or aim for obstacles in the hallway. So things were looking up. That is until Dr. Yaggar came in and told us that he was sending in the Radiologists team to talk with us because he thinks that the mass should also be radiated. Unfortunately the radiation couldn't start until about 6 weeks post transplant-about the time we thought we could go back home.

So the radiologist team did come in and told us that Rory would be receiving radiation 15-20 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for 4-6 weeks. That was a blow to gut for us because that meant we would be down here for what felt like forever. This news really dampened Rorys spirits and sent me into a whole new (but yet very familiar) state of frustration. We just wanted to go home-be with our girls, have our own house, sleep in our own beds, watch TV that wasn't mostly in Spanish (lol). After a few tears fell the logistical side took over and I sucked it up and tried to stay positive. At least we are at an excellent hospital that knows what they are doing and do it well. Its better to just hit this mass full force before in even thinks about coming back. And after RaceaJade gets done with school the 3 girls can just come down and live with us since its not like Rory has to be admitted back into the hospital for radiation. YES! We can do this!!

My cot that I will not miss

Wednesday night was great knowing it would be our last in the hospital!!

Thursday morning came and Rory was chomping at the bit. If it was up to him he would have walked out of that place at 7:00 am without looking back. Reality (and nurse) however said it would be more like 3:00 before he was fully discharged, so we walked-not out the door just past it-16 times-so Rory could continue his daily mile. When the doctor came and did their rounds they told us that the resent CT showed that not only is the mass half its original size but it shows signs of calcification!! Hearing that brought tears to eyes. It truly was a miracle to think that in a 12 days time a mass that was causing so many problems was now only half the size and showing signs of completely dying, and expected to continue shrinking. Rory was thrilled and asked Dr. Yaggar if he that he could get away with not having to have radiation. This made me realize how scared Rory was to have radiation because he had also asked me the same question. And my answer was mirrored by Dr. Yaggars-"lets just hit this with everything we can to insure it wont come back". Yes, easier said by us who don't have to go through it.

When the doctors left Rory and I immediately thanked our Heavenly Father for this great news.

Rorys view from his bed

I began slowly packing up all our belonging and taking down all the pictures and comments I hung up. Rory joked that it was time to move the "scrapbook store" somewhere else. Yes I did A LOT of scrapbooking in the 3 weeks that we were there. In fact I finished 104 pages! Its amazing what you can do when you have time to kill-usually a luxury that I don't have.

True to their word 3:00 came and we were released. After some tearful goodbyes to the staff that took such great care of us we were out the door. It was an overcast drizzly day but to Rory it looked like paradise. Driving to our apartment we were both silent as we reflected on the past 3 weeks.

Rorys leaving the BMT wing

When we got to the apartment and got settled in we sat on the couch and just looked at each other like "now what". We both decided we were exhausted and went to bed-Rory on his cot this time and me in a bed.

Friday morning we had to go to the clinic (Arizona Cancer Center) and Rory ended up getting some fluid so I took the opportunity to get the stuff ready I wanted to take back to RV. It had been 28 days since I had been home and today was the day it was going to happen. At 4 when Wendy and Leland got to Tucson I took off for HOME.

When I got there the girls were so happy to see me and little Kyrri came RUNNING over to me and I had to hold back the tears. It had been 3 weeks since I had seen her and now I was getting to hold this little stranger who had grown so much in just 3 weeks. It was great to sleep in my own bed even though it was a little crowded. The girls love sleeping with me whenever Rory is gone weather he is off working or hunting or more recently in a hospital.

Saturday was Race and Ty's gymnastics mini meet so I was glad that I got to witness that. For most of the day we just hung out played games and enjoyed being together. Again that night my bed was crowded but it was wonderful to be surrounded by my girls.

Sunday morning we all got up and got ready for church and it was so nice because it wasn't stressful and I really looked forward to going. Sacrament was good and I enjoyed the talks as much as I could listen to them between trying to keep 3 girls reverent and occupied. I enjoyed seeing other ward member and expecially friends like Toyna.

My backseat beauties going to church

After church was over I made the girls lunch played one last game with them and then had to start with the painful goodbyes. Race took it the hardest and it tore at my heart when I had to peel her off of me to get out the door.

After what felt like a ten hour drive I was back in Tucson.

Monday morning we had to go to the clinic again and Rory was low on potassium so he had a 2 hour transfusion. Afterward we grabbed some lunch and killed some time. Crystal (Hale) Chavez and her family brought Rory and I enough food for a month! Kristi (Kowren) Penrod and other friends of theirs also contributed and Rory and I can't be more grateful. The thought that Crystal, Kristi, and complete strangers would go through so much trouble for us is extremely touching.

I know I have said it a million times but we have been so blessed though all of this!!

3rd week in the hospital

2010-04-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

April 20, 2010

We have been in the hospital for 3 weeks now and as I write this I have a deep and hopeful feeling that it will be our last. This week has had many ups and downs. I must say that its a dang good thing I handle roller coasters well.

Most of Wednesday, Thursday and Friday Rory slept. He was in a lot of pain from the mucasitious but the doctors had his morphine dose pretty high for management and it seamed to be working well. Slowly he was starting to try to drink again but eatting was out of the question. His nausea was still lingering and would shoot his pain level up when he would start puking. He said he didn't feel sick all the time it would just come in fast and hard waves and there was nothing we could do but grab a bucket and get threw it.

On Saturday morning after Wendy and Leland got here I drove to Globe to meet my mom who brought Race and Ty down for a barrel race. I was tired from the night before because Rory was hacking and trying to puke at all hours, but nothing was going to keep me from seeing the 2 out of 3 of my girls. I was a little nervous to be around them since they both had pink eye but I came totally prepared with masks, hand sanitizer, and vitamin C. Once I got there and the girls saw me I knew it was worth it-they were totally excited to see me and that was a great feeling.

I enjoyed being with them all day Friday even though I had to wear a mask in the extreme heat and the dust. That night I slept in the back of my yukon as another precaution. On Sunday they each had one more run and then the award ceremony. TyLee got 1st place and won a blinggy head stall and Race got 7th and won a bright pink halter and they both got buckles. I was really proud of them for being such troopers. The weather was hot and the days were long and poor Race wasn't feeling so good. After the award ceremony I had to say painful good-byes to the girls once again with a promise that I would see them again in a week.

Ty with her bridle and

Race with her backwards hat

When I got back to the hospital it was hard to believe that I had only been gone a full day because so much had changed with Rory. His ankles were huge, he had little red dots (like pin pricks) all over his legs and he had started passing blood and tissue out both ends. It never ceases to amaze me how fast things can turn around. The swelling in his legs and feet is due to all the fluid they are pumping into him. The dots are from having low platelet counts and the bloody tissue is the mucasidious rearing its ugly head.

Dotted, swollen feet

Early Monday morning (like 1:30) Rory was dry heaving so bad that it was really hurting his throat and mouth so I asked the nurse for some adavan, an anti-nausea drug that also has a sleep aid in it. About 30 minutes after Rory got the meds I could hear him talking so I asked him if he was talking to me and nothing. So I asked again, and again he said nothing. So I sat up in my cot and listened and thats when I realized he was talking in his sleep. In all the years we have been together I have never once heard him talk in his sleep. Then about 15 minutes later the nurse came in and Rory was telling her people were trying to steal stuff and thats when I realized he was crazy. I told the nurse that he wasn't acting all there in the head and she just brushed it off as him being tired.

So that morning Rory got up and headed out the door to do his laps and I tried to will myself to get out of bed but I just couldn't do it. A short time later I heard Rory come in and a nurse (Kristi) behind him saying "whoa there, hang on, lets get you to the bed before you fall down" I immediately sat up to find Rory swaying in bed looking as if nothing happened. He then mumbled some stuff and went back to sleep. Then the Danielle (the awesome doctors assistant) came in and woke him up and was asking him questions and he couldn't stay awake long enough to answer her. So I woke him up and Danielle asked him if he knew where he was at and he said "yes, Fiji". At that point I knew he was blazed. She asked him what his pain level was at and he said 1 but immediately went for his morphine button. So that made me realize that he was now addicted to morphine. The day went on and his morphine was turned down but he was still acting crazy. At one point he woke up and asked me why I wasn't packing and when I asked him where we were going he said "were getting the hell out of here, the doctor said I could go". After I corrected him he fell back asleep and the next time he woke up he got out of bed did a little dance and sang something I couldn't understand. Rory NEVER acts like that so I was caught between laughing and crying. Around 4 that afternoon he was starting to be more coherent and noticed a "Fall Alert" bracelet on himself and asked me when he became a fall alert. So I told him about his day and how he had been acting and not only did he not remember he didn't believe me until the nurse confirmed what I had told him. Monday his counts started to come back too so he is expected to start feeling a lot better.

Fashion statement?

Tuesday was a better day "ish" because Rory was not addicted to morphine because they were able to cut it back with no problems and once Rory was told that he would have to be off of it in order to leave he never pushed the button again. He was also taken off his TPN (IV food) with hopes that he would start eating again. At 3:00 we decided to take some more laps but had to take the O2 monitor with us. As we were walking he was stating at 96 without oxygen on and doing really and Danielle saw this. But when we got back to the room and get settled into bed he was having a hard time breathing so he put the oxygen on was still having a hard time so Krisit turned it up to 6 liters. He has never needed it that high. Then around 4:00 he was taking a nap and had his oxygen on but his stats were only reading 86 and he needs to be above 92 . So I grabbed the nurse and she grabbed Danielle and we were watching him and asked him to sit up and almost immediately his counts came back up so they knew the problem was "positional" so she ordered a CT scan to see what the mass was doing.

That was our 3rd week in the hospital and what a ride it was.

2nd week in the hospital

2010-04-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

April 14, 2010

Rory has been in the hospital for 16 days now and I can not believe how well he is taking it. This is a man who is outdoors the majority of his life stuck in a hospital room. The view from his room is blocked by a large building, but even looking outside isn't the same as being out there. Now since the transfusion Rory has been very heavily medicated to help with the pain of the mucasitous (mouth/throat/esophagus sores), so thankfully he sleeps a lot.

1st platelet transfusion

He has spiked high fevers everyday and can only have infant Tylenol. The fevers are considered normal but still cause Rory grief. He got a nose bleed late last night and the nurses were finally able to stop it 10 hours later. This caused his stomach to ache and puking to accure so that made his mouth and throat worse, and having to breath out of his mouth didn't help either. He has had 2 blood transfusions in the last 2 days and is having his 1st platelet transfusion today. The doctors are saying that everything is going according to plan and if all continues to Rory should be discharged from the hospital (but not Tucson) in another week.

1st time shaving in 2 months
chemo doesnt leave him much hair

I am going on 10 days without seeing my girls (and and it is starting to get really hard. I talk to them on the phone and I can't help but cry. My heart goes out to Ty who is having the hardest time with all of this. She is a daddy's girl to start out with and a homebody to boot. She has been going to either Aunt Laceys, Aunt Meagans or Martis house everyday now while Aunt Danika is at work. And sometime this weekend she got pink eye so shes not feeling 100%. But I called and talked to her yesterday morning after Dani told me she had a rough night and my poor girl just cried and begged me to come which broke my heart and caused me to cry too. She did make me laugh though when she said "mom, stop crying, get in the car and drive, then I can see you in the morning". O' how I wish it were that simple. My kids are strong and I couldn't be prouder of them but sometimes even the strongest branch on the tree cracks a little. We will all just have to keep bending with whatever wind comes our way.

Coming from RV we know all about the wind :)

Transplant day AKA Day 0

2010-04-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

April 9, 2010

Rory was up and doing his laps at 6:00 this morning, he has been having a really hard time sleeping so he likes to get up early. I however sleep like a rock in the corner of his room on my little cot until I hear him getting up to start his mile. He does this about 2 hours too early for my taste but I try to get up to go with him-or at least get my cot put away and start the day. Today I had to clean up my little craft corner because we were expecting Jimmy and Nancy (Rorys parents) to be here sometime before noon.

This morning he ate a bowl of cheerios and was able to keep it down so that was great, or at least a good start. For some reason he craved Fruit Loops so I ran to the apartment and then to the store so I could be sure I was back for the transplant.

At 11:00 2 nurses came in and started getting everything prepared. The transplant is a lot like a blood transfusion-nothing painful about this part. So while they were getting the stem cells thawed and the bags hooked up I was making sure Rory was comfortable and getting my camera ready. Its kind of funny that this was the moment we had be waiting for and working towards for quiet awhile and the whole transplant process would take about 1 hour. But none the less I was excited because this is what is going to cure my husband!!

The first bag of cells had been started and now we just sit and watch. One nurse brought in some gum and I found that odd until I noticed Rory had a disgusted look on his face. The nurse then told him he would have a bad taste in his mouth and the gum would help if he wanted to try it. Then my phone rang and it was Jimmy saying he and Nancy had been in a bad accident and were being flown to UMC (the same hospital Rorys in). I told them I would come see them in the ER as soon as they got here.

Starting the transplant

1 of 3 bags on stem cells

After I told Rory what had happened he was pretty frustrated but knew that there was nothing he could do about it. So we just continued on with the transplant. It was weird because after the first two bags were done a cream of corn smell hit me pretty strong and I was told that's the "smell of transplant".

Stem cell clusters

Trying to get comfortable

By 12:30 Rorys transplant was complete and all had gone according to plan. After the nurses left and I made sure Rory was set for awhile I went down to the trauma center to see Jimmy and Nancy. When I got there Nancy was getting xrays and CT scans so I found Jimmy and he was lying down with a neck brace on and a bloody hand. He was in good spirits just worried about his wife. I talked to him for a little while and then went and found Nancy she too was lying down with a neck brace on but in some pain. The nurse told me she had broken a rib, but I could see she was pretty bruised up. From the seat belt marks to her knuckles and to her ankles she had bruises. I continued to go back and forth between there rooms until they were put in the same room. I then went to check on Rory for a little while. After about an hour I went back to the ER until Jeremy and Jayson (the oldest 2 sons) showed up. About then Nancy was getting released and few hours latter everyone else showed up. It wasn't until after 11:30pm that Jimmy got released. His CT scan showed some narrowing so he was required to wear the neck brace for two weeks and then have a follow up appointment.

All in all it was a long and stress filled day. I was grateful Rorys transplant went well, grateful that Jimmy and Nancy weren't more seriously injured or killed. And my heart ached for the family of the 21 year old girl that was killed in the accident.

The doctors called today "day zero" for Rory and I think it was a zero on the 1-10 scale for a lot of people.

1st week in the hospital

2010-04-06T14:53:00.000-07:00

April 6, 2010

Today marks the first week of Rorys hospitalization. During this past week he has undergone a lot. He has been receiving major doses of chemo everyday, he is required to walk a mile everyday. It wouldn't be bad but he is totally exhausted and has difficulty breathing. He's had xrays and CT scans to measure the size and position of "the mass", it is now 15 x 12.5 x 10 x 1.5 cm (one of the largest measurements we've seen). He's had an ultrasound to take a better look at the "stuff" of his kidneys, one "spot" is 1.5 inches big and has the doctors curious. He has had painful dry heaving spells that leave his back muscles sore, and he has completely stopped eating by mouth to prevent severely painful abdominal pain. He is being nourished by TPN or what we call steak and potatoes in a bag. He has had headaches almost everyday, and spiked his 1st fever last night. Then today he started to really feel like complete shit. His chest hurts from the mass dying off, his ears and sinuses (along with the rest of his body) hurt from the chemo and now he has started the mucasitious processes. This is the extremely painful process that happens when your white blood count drops really low. In a nut shell it causes the lining in the mouth and throat to sluff off and cause mouth sores. It can be so painful that patients can no longer eat or drink by mouth for weeks at a time. Rory described it as feeling like his mouth is on fire.

Getting ready to take Slim (the pole) for a walk

Getting an x ray because of his fever

I am doing the best I can to keep our spirits up and of course plunging into all the scrapbooking I can do while he sleeps. It has been a difficult week for the both of us, with a lot more weeks ahead of us. But I feel like it is all completely in Heavenly Fathers hands and all I can do is pray and hope for the best but plan and prepare for the worst.

Easter Weekend

2010-04-06T12:35:00.001-07:00

I really enjoyed the Easter weekend. Wendy, Leland, Danika & R.J. brought down our girls so thats what made it great. I had been a full week without seeing them and it was time! When I meet them at our apartment the older two came running up screaming "momma, momma" and it melted me. Kyrri's eyes even lit up a little when she saw me and it brought me to tears. It was so good to hold and hug on them again.

Saturday morning we got up and going, and I brought Race to the hospital to see Rory. Race had to promise not to tell Ty that she was able to see Dad because it would break her heart, Ty is the one who asks about him the most. When we were home Ty would ask Rory everyday "today are you better Dad?". Ty and Kyrri had their MMR, and chicken pox shot earlier that week so they couldn't be around Rory. It killed Rory to not be able to see them so I knew he would be happy to see Race. Race had to be masked and gowned up but she was still super excited to see her dad. When she walked into his room it was a heart wrenching moment.

After we left the hospital we got Dani, R.J. and the other girls and went to the mall to see the Easter bunny.

Kyrri didn't quiet know what to think about it but the other girls enjoyed meeting him. I also allowed them to pick an outfit for their build-a-bears and we just killed some time at the mall.

Later that day we went to Peter Piper Pizza and the girls had fun playing games and eatting pizza. That night me and the girls all cuddled on the couch and cot and watched Ice Age, again it was nice to just sit and hold them.

The next morning was Easter Sunday and the girls woke up to find that the Easter bunny found them even though they were in Tucson. Race was the most excited about her basket. Kyrri really didn't know what to think about her wind up chick that hops around but she liked her new "croc's".

After breakfast and baths the girls went to find the eggs their eggs. Kyrri would see them and point to them but she was having a hard time walking in the gravel to get to them. If you put her close to one her eyes would lite up and she would grab it and try shaking it. She really liked the plastic eggs with stuff insode because they are the ones that she could rattle. Race was tearing it up and filling her basket while Ty would get a few eggs and start trying to open them while there were alot more eggs to be found.

After all the eggs were accounted for everyone started loading up there cars to prepare for going home. While everyone was saying good bye to Rory I took my girls to Applebees to have a good lunch. I even ordered them a desert that we all enjoyed.

It was hard to say goodbye to them again. Once they left I hurried back to the hospital. It was strange not being there for the weekend. Things chance so quickly from day to day that I wanted to be with Rory if he was feeling bad, but I was so grateful for Wendy staying with him so I could spend time with my girls. All in all it was a good Easter weekend.

I am so glad today is almost over

2010-03-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to find Rory having a really hard time breathing, but since we were going to the Cancer Center I wasn't too worried about it because the staff there would know what to do. So we went to his 8:00 appointment and sure enough they noticed he was doing a lot of "belly breathing" but his oxygen count was still in the mid-90's (which is good). Rory and I both knew that the huge mass in his chest is what was causing him problems and the only treatment for that would be chemo. The problem with that is he couldn't have chemo until after the stem cell collection was complete and the Dr's didn't foresee him being able to complete the collection on the 1st try.

But because Dr's tend to run on the cautious side they wanted to officially admit Rory into the hospital-6 days earlier than expected. This hit me hard for some reason-I think because Rory and I had been having so much fun the last 4 days we have been here. Since we don't have the kids with us and we've been able to go to the movies, do a little shopping and eat out easier-it reminded me of our good ol' dating days. But since he was being admitted all that would come to an end for at least 6 months.

So next we had to go to the hospital for the stem cell collection. This is a process that takes 4 hours and circulates all of the blood in Rorys body 3-5 times every hour. In hopes to collect as many stem cells as possible to harvest for the transplant. Thankfully this is a pain free process. The old school way was not-it was comparable with the bone marrow biopsy Rory had last week. Anyway because Rory has had so many chemo treatments the Dr's didn't think he would fully collect the 1st time. And if they were right Rory couldn't start chemo for 6 more days with the hope that the mass wouldn't continue growing and cutting off his air ways.

While Rory was in collection I called Wendy (my awesome mother-in-law) to see how Kyrri's doctors appointment went. She was due for baby shots and had to get them at least 6 weeks before Rory came home so she was no longer contagious. Anyway she told me that both Ty and Kyrri got there shots and that both girls did well. Kyrri's head is only in the 10% tile but its nothing to worry about. Who would have thought that her dome was considered small-not me-bald yes but not small. Anyway for some reason I got emotional while talking to Wendy because the thought of my girls getting shots and me not being there for them hit me. I know they are all being extremely well taken care of thanks to Danika, Lacey, Wendy, & Marti but its not the same. Like I've said before "my husband needs me and I need my kids" so it has and will be hard to be away from them for lenghthy time periods. So after I sucked it up and pulled myself together I joined Rory for the remainder of his collection.

The collection/separation machine

Sitting in collection

As I was sitting there I got the thought-"he hasn't been officially admitted yet, so after collections done we are going out one last time!!" And that is exactly what we did. After he was disconnected we left the hospital, grabbed some stuff from the apartment and went to Red Lobster. It was a bitter sweet dinner-good because we made it happen, bitter because we knew from this night on things would be very different for us.

Once we got back to UMC (the hospital) it was like walking to the slaughter house, long hallways and cold rooms. Thankfully there were some great nurses on staff to help lighten the mood and make the admission process a pleasant one. But even now at 7:30 at night Rory is not done for the day he is still scheduled to do a CT scan and blood draws. The good news is thanks to a small miracle the collection process is complete!! Rory will be able to start chemo tomorrow-(6 days ahead of schedule!) we never thought he would be happy to start chemo but its amazing what the lack of breathing will make you excited for. Need less to say I am exhausted today and I am glad that today is almost over!!

Kyrri's 1st Birthday Party

2010-03-29T13:17:00.001-07:00

Tuesday March 23, 2010

Today we celebrated KyrriJo's 1st birthday. She had a polka dot theme, and since the church was still decorated from Ty's birthday the night before it didn't take Dani and I long to prepare for this party.

Kyrri too wore a cute out fit I found 0n eBay-I could have made it myself but just haven't had the time lately. Anyway I thought she looked super cute in it.

Kyrri's party wasn't as big as Ty's but that was okay close family is always the best. All of the adults played a game on how well they knew Kyrri. We had lots of "winners" with that. Then we all ate Pizza, and let Kyrri open all her presents. Some of her favorites included a singing cow, and a ride on pink pony.

Then we sang to her (much to her delight) and let her tare into her own cake. She was hesitant at first but after a few samples of frosting she dug right in and thoroughly enjoyed herself. She entertained everyone by trying her hardest to walk on her own and she was doing a pretty a good job.

It was a short and sweet party just like the birthday girl. KyrriJo was like the missing ingredient to our family and I am so grateful Heavenly Father sent her to us. She loves to be held and cuddled on her terms and is a happy, easy baby most of the time. Her favorite things include her bottle, binkie and her Horse of Course. She loves her sisters and any attention they give her. She lights up when her Dad walks in the room and I can always count on a smile from her 1st thing in the morning and she grins and wiggles whenever I sing her "you are my sunshine". She is my baby and 10 years from now she will still be our baby. During this tough time in our lives I am even more grateful to have her because she makes all of us laugh and feel more loved.

Happy 1st birthday KyrriJo McLain Finch and thank you for the happiness you brought us this past year!

TyLee's 4th birthday party

2010-03-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

Monday March 22, 2010

We decided to celebrate Ty's birthday early since Rory and I would be leaving for Tucson on her actual birthday the 25th. Ty had no problem with us having her party early as long as it was before Kyrri's birthday and she could still have a My Little Pony theme she was good. Like Race's party this year we used the church cultural hall again.

About 6:00p.m. Ty dressed in her new party dress (that cost me $9.50 brand new off eBay) and shoes and she was ready to party. I however was still scrambling around to do last minute things. The day had been going good and I was accomplishing a lot then I was told that Steve (Brown) had died that morning and I was done. It hit me very hard and I worried about how Rory would handle the news. For the rest of the day I couldn't think straight or shake the disturbing feelings I had.

Meanwhile I had a little girl counting on me to throw her a fun birthday party. So once we finally got down to the Church the fun began. With her friends and cousins there she has having a blast. We played a few games like musical chairs, bingo, and bust the pinyata.

Then we let Ty blow out her birthday candles and eat the cake she chose-chocolate with vanilla frosting.

Then she got to open her presents. Some of her favorites included a hula hoop, dishes for her new play house, galoshes, and a bowl of Grandpa's (Yankee) strawberries from the green house.

Ty is my one-of-a-kind child. She is sweet and polite most of the time but has a ornery divious side that comes out when you least expect it. She can play by herself for hours and loves to be outside. She likes being Kyrri's big sister and trys to carry her all over the house. Most of the time so likes Race being her big sister but the two of them can go the rounds. She is my blondie in a house full of red heads and she never fails at making my smile. The past 4 years with her have been a huge blessing to our family.

I love you Ms. TyLee Rae Finch!!

Two days in Tucson for Tests

2010-03-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

Wednesday March 17th, 2010

Since Rory was due in Tucson at 8:30 on Monday morning we left town after church on Sunday so we could get a decent night sleep before all the testing began. What has labeled as "Quality Inn" should have been called "Crappy Inn". Not only was it old and ran down it was right next to I10 so it was noisy, but cheep so we couldn't complain to much even if the shower pressure was equivalent to a dog peeing on you.

Monday morning we went to The Arizona Cancer Center to meet Neal (the awesome transplant coordinator) so we could get a complete schedule. Next we went to the U of A/UMC hospital to let the testing begin. After we registered for all the tests we went and had Rorys blood drawn. I went back with him and saw a bunch of vials set aside and the nurse started to grab from that pile so I jokingly I ask "those aren't all for him are they?" and to our shock she said "yes". THERE WERE 15 VIALS!!!

So next came the MUGA scan and Rory was already feeling woozy and unsteady on his feet. The results from that were a little disappointing because he only got a 61% when in September he got a 71%. The MUGA scan tests the production of the heart, and Rory was still in the normal range with a 61% so I didn't worry too much because the day was still early. Next it was on to the Xrays which went good and were done quickly. After that he got an EKG which also went smooth.

After all of these were done he had one more test to complete and it was the one he had been dreading all day...the Pulmonary test. This test is a lung test and since Rorys chest has been tight and hurting him (because of the mass) he knew the pulmonary test wasn't going to be fun, and he was right. He had to seal his lips around a mouth piece that was connected to a computer and sometimes he would have to take a huge breath and push it out for as long as he could for a few reps then he would have to do the opposite and see how long he could hold his breath. I was sitting behind him doing the exercises with him and it was difficult for me and I was getting a little light headed. Then they had to take some more arterial blood from his wrists and that was painful since most blood comes from the veins.

That is then Neal called us to say that Rorys blood test showed that his H&H (blood level) was low and that he was going to need a transfusion.

After the pulmonary test was over it was about 2:30 and we were starving. Because Rorys apatite, and sense of test is messed up we decided to go to the mall so he would have multiple choices on what to eat.

Just as we sat down to eat Neal called again to say that we needed to go back to ACC so Rory could be typed and crossed for the blood transfusion that would take place on Tuesday. So we hurried up and ate so we could get back. After that was done we were glad to have Monday over.

As bad as Monday was Tuesday was even worse! After another crappy night sleep we were due at ACC at 8:30 to start the blood transplant. Since he was only getting 2 units of blood it only took 4 hours. But since he had to take benadryl and Tylenol for transfusion he was so tired that he couldn't stay awake for anything. After the transfusion we had to meet with a social worker, but after that it was time for the bone marrow biopsy.

I never saw Rorys 1st biopsy but I knew he was beyond dreading this part. So once he was laying face down on the table the "bone collector" started. He had to have twice the amount of numbing meds that it normally took and Rory was still flinching and grunting. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever witnessed, and seeing my husband in pain like that made it all the more worse. After about 15 very long minutes it was over and time to head home.

The actual transplant process is scheduled to start on March 25th so until then Rory and I will just try to lay low and enjoy time with our girls.

Valentines Day-love it and leave it

2010-02-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

It was not the loveliest Valentines day ever. Rory was pretty sick from his week of being in chemo and the girls were all a little under the weather. They woke up and were excited to see bags with their initials on them. So I sat them all down so I could see there reactions. Kyrri was excited but didn't really know why so the girls helped her with her bag. She would pull out something and play with it and chew on it until the girls helped her pull something else out. It was cute to see them helping her. After they were done I gave Rory his gift-a new wedding ring because his hasn't fit him for quiet along time. And unfortunately the new ring I got him barely fit. He is just so skinny these days.

After all that we had to rush the girls around to get them ready for church. Nana and Papa were going to take them because I had to take Rory to Show Low to get his nulasta shot. On our way to Show Low Rory handed me a little box wrapped in red paper and I almost started to cry. With all that he is going through I didn't expect him to do anything, but as usual he made me feel special. He got me a ring too so that was cool.

KyrriJo's 1st Valentines Day

After we got his shot we headed home so we could spend the rest of the day relaxing and hanging out with our girls. It was a good day to remind each other how much we love one another but it was a day I'm glad to have behind us because I never like when Rory is sick and in pain.

I live for little moments like this...

2010-02-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Unlike the previous few Thursday nights Ror & I were able to come home after chemo instead of being hospitalized for 30 hours. We had mixed emotions about this because we are usually hospitalized because he has to be hooked up to this particular form of chemo for 24 hours, but do to the lack of chemo certified nurses that work at the hospital we had to bring a pump home this time. I was not very comfortable with the thoughts of a large bag of a poison being brought to the house not to mention the distance from a good hospital if anything was to go wrong. Call me paranoid but it was my fear. Anyway we came home last night and all went well.
This morning Rory was feeling really bad as he usually does after 3 days of chemo, so I brought his breakfast to him in bed. While he was eating I layed down beside him to keep him company while he ate and after a few moments of peace and quiet we heard Ty and Kyrri making there way to us. Before long the 4 of us were all up in the bed playing. Kyrri has a stuffed horse that we named "Horse of Course" and she LOVES it-from the time she was 5 months old it has been her lovie. So to get a rise out of her we often cuddle with it or try to hide it from her. Well Rory had Horse and was cuddling with it and Kyrri would just scream at him and try to get it. Then she would laugh and giggle, and then scream and get mad again while Rory, Ty, & I would just laugh at her.

All of the sudden my emotional side took over and I found myself crying. I think its because I realized how special little moments like that are these days. It was nothing special or overly thought out just a little moment that I wanted to remember so of course I grabbed my camera to take a few shots. I honestly think that because of this today will be a better day.

Thank you Rory, Ty, & Kyrri for making my day-all before 9 a.m.!

Lessons learned...kind of

2010-02-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

Tuesday February 9, 2010

Last Wednesday I was running errands with Rory and we noticed it was time to get home because Race would be getting off the bus any minute. We got home approx. 4 minutes after the bus dropped her off and as we were pulling into the drive way I could see her looking out the window crying. From the time she was 4 she has known Rorys phone number, and since school started we have taught her that if she ever finds herself alone she just needs to call Dads phone. So that night we drilled her on how to use the phone again. So the next day I thought we should put her to the test.

About 2 minutes before Race's bus pulled up me and the kids went to the shop where Rory was working. We were wondering how long it would take her to call Rory. So we heard the bus pull up but we were unable to see it. So we waited and waited and waited. After about 10 minutes we figured that she didn't learn and that I needed to go inside and tell her we were just in the shop.

I go inside and to my surprise-she wasn't there!! So knowing Race she ran her mouth to the bus driver (Mrs. Martha Hyland) and told her about the previous day when nobody was home. So Mrs. Hyland had her check and of course they thought nobody was home so she had Race stay on the bus. To confirm my suspicion I called the bus barn and Pam White (who ironically was my bus driver) answered the phone. After I told her about us not being home and our "little test" she was laughing so hard that I knew my suspicions were true and that Race would be dropped off after they went to the middle school.

So really I guess I was the only one to learn a lesson here: don't try to trick your kids-they may be smarter than you...

Snow much fun!

2010-01-26T13:34:00.000-08:00

Saturday January 2, 2010

With Rory feeling good we decided to make the most out of all the newly acquired snow. I wanted to go tubing but decided that wasn't the best idea because I was in no mood to carry/assist 3 bundled up kids and the tubes up a hill time and time again. So we improvised and loaded up the 4 wheeler thinking that we would just pull the tubes behind it. Race being the non-adventures one she is did not like this idea. But like everything, we do what the majority of the family wants to do-so Race lost out.

We drove up the Williams Valley road in Alpine and discovered that a lot of people also were enjoying the tubing hill and the road. So after kicking around a few ideas it was time for lunch. I think its impossible to go to Alpine without eating at Bear Wallow.

After lunch we decided to check out the Stone Creek road and we were disappointed to find that most of it had melted off (much to Races joy). So thats when we chose to just pull over and build a snowman. The snow was PERFECT! I never remembered building a good snowman growing up so I wanted to make the perfect snowman.

The girls were so excited and more than willing to help so it went by smooth. Daddy who use to build many nice snowman helped us out alot and gave us girls tips on how to make things easier. Before we knew it all 3 balls were in place so it was time for the fun stuff. I found some acorn caps and rocks and let the girls start "decorating" it. After that was done I found some pine needle bunches and we made it into a "snow-woman" much to the girls delight.

It was by far the best looking snowman I had ever made. Even Kyrri enjoyed her 1st experiance with snow. We all had such a good time I know it will be a memory that stays with me forever.

Out of Africa

2009-12-31T08:43:00.002-08:00

December 30, 2009

We woke up and got on the road before 7 and made the drive to Camp Verde. I am grateful for modern technology that allows the kids to watch movies in the car. After playing with a few of there toy, 1 pit stop and 2 Barbie movies later we arrived into Camp Verde and found the Out of Africa park. We quickly got the kids dressed and bundled up because it looked as if it was going to be a cold day. Man were we right-it was cold! I was grateful to have brought many layers for the girls to wear. Once we got into the park we went to the ticket booth and gave them the letter that was sent to us as there invitation for us. We then waited for Ashton to come meet us and when she did she brought us a signed book from the founder of the park-it is an interesting book. Anyway then we were on our way. We first went to the critter show where Race and Ty got to pet a huge lizard and a large snake. I was very shocked that Race was so willing to touch them and Ty was the more timid one.

After that we walked around and looked at all the other animals. It was really cool because there were many great viewing places to get pictures with out the fences being in the way. The girls and I kept calling the animals by the Disney movie names like the tigers were Princess Jasmines Raja and the lions and hyenas were all from The Lion King.

Rorys has always liked bears so he enjoyed watching the park founder Dean, feed them and tell the story behind them. Kyrri was just happy to be out of a car seat and being held so she was content to do anything as long as we didn't try to wrap her hands up in her blankets.

After lunch we enjoyed the Tiger Splash show. Ty & Kyrri some how fell asleep while waiting for the show to start but Race, Rory & I really enjoyed it. Its dang sure nothing I've ever seen at any other zoo type park I've been to.

Next we caught the bus for our "safari" adventure. This is what the girls were most looking forward to and reasonably so. It was awesome! As we boarded the bus we were handed cut up carrots to feed to the giraffe and other animals along the way. As we drove up the giraffe spotted us and came over and immediately started taking carrots out of peoples hands with its long blue tongue. The girls were completely excited about that. We also saw some zebras, a fun camel and other cool animals.

Once we were done with the safari we knew we saw all there was to see so we hit the gift shop and then headed for the car. As we were looking for the motel we realized that it was only 4:00 and that since there wasn't anything else planed for the next day we might as well head home.

As we were leaving Camp Verde it started to snow and so we had a long slow drive home. A few miles before Heber we were stopped for about 20 minutes because a semi went off the road. But other than that we just took it nice and easy and made it home around 9.

It was a very fun and memorable day that would not have happen if it weren't for the kindness of others. We owe the day to Patrick Dempsey (not the actor) and Ashton Powell; two people who have never met us before but after hearing about Rory decided that a little mini vacation was much needed. We can't thank them enough!!

Christmas

2009-12-31T08:43:00.001-08:00

We always start Christmas off at my moms house on Christmas eve. We have a tradition of eating steak, crab legs, salad, baked potatoes and cheddar bread for dinner. And as usual it was awesome. After everyone eats dinner and the dishes are done we start opening presents.

Being Kyrri's 1st year it was fun to watch her try to open her own gifts. For the most part Grandpa Yankee helped her.

Race and Ty were excited with all the gifts that they got and wanted to open them all up to play with them right away.

Before we knew it all the gifts were opened and everyone was happy and excited about what they got. Rory was feeling really bad and earlier in the day a chemo nurse called and told me that his last blood tests showed that he was very low on potassium. And since he took Danika hunting earlier in the day he was very sore and tired so we didn't stay long after all the wrapping paper was cleaned up.

Once we got home I put the girls to bed and started with the Santa duties. The original plan was to have the 4 wheeler in the living room Christmas morning but since it snowed and Rory wasn't feeling very well I had to get creative and put it in the garage. So I made and put all the stickers on it and then put my cricut to use by making arrows for the floor to lead to the garage and a stop sign to make them put on shoes before they open the door to the garage.

Then I filled the stockings and got the other gifts ready. I was finally able to go to bed around midnight. Then about 7:30 in the morning I had to actually go and wake up the girls so we could get to the Crowthers on time.

It was so great seeing the girls eyes light up with every present they opened. Rory was extremely sore but tried to have a good Christmas for the girls.

After all our gifts were opened and every thing was cleaned up it was time for everyone to get dressed so we could get to the Crowthers. The tradition for their house is to have "monkey bread" and fresh fruit for breakfast. And we get to eat it on Wendys Christmas dishes. After breakfast we opened gifts there and again the girls enjoyed every minute.

We spent the majority of the day at the Crowthers along with Danika and R.J. we played games and watched movies. Rory was pretty exhausted so we pretty much just stayed put and visited with each other and that is always okay by me.

Then on Sunday the 27th after church we had the Finch family get together with Nana & Papa Jake, J.D. and Laceys families. It was one of the best Finch family Christmases ever. There was no drama or fighting. Just good food and a relaxing fun time. She girls really enjoy playing with their cousins and they had plenty of time to do that.

It really was a good Christmas. I feel like this year more than ever we really tried to remember the reason for the season. I am so grateful for everyone who helped make it a happy memorable Christmas for me and mine.

Northpole Experience

2009-12-31T08:42:00.001-08:00

On Dec. 23rd the whole family was asked to be at the Crowther home at 4:30 sharp because someone had a surprise for us. So of course we show up and wait till for 4:30. About that time a large trolley car pulls into the drive and an "elf" gets out to knock on the door. Wendy asks Race and Ty to answer it. They were both excited and confused. The elf then hands the girls tickets and tells them that we need to follow her up to Molly Butlers for dinner, and after diner we would be going to Santa's work shop to make toys with the elves and we would meet Santa. Afterwards we would go back to the lodge to have story time with Mrs. Claus.

The girls were super excited to go so it didn't take us long to load up in the car and follow the trolley to Greer.

Once we got there we ate from a huge, delicious buffet. The girls were excited because they were able to have strawberries for dinner and chocolate cheesecake.

After dinner we got in the trolley and headed for Santa's workshop. During the drive everyone sang songs and told Christmas jokes. Once we were at the workshop it was time to go in-the girls were super excited.

Inside was amazing! First you had to go throw the "toy hall of fame" Rory and I really aged ourselves when we admitted that one or both of us had most of the toys that were on display. The place was completly decorated with everything you would image Santa's workshop would have-including a train that ran on a tracks over head throughout the whole building.

Next the girls listened to the "head elf" talk about how everything worked. Then it was time to go build toys.

All the kids made rocket launcher toys and dressed a teddy bears. Race dressed her bear as a cheerleader and Ty dressed her bear in a summer dress. While some kids were making toys others were having cookies and snowman soup (hot chocolate). Kyrri just enjoyed looking at all the neat decorations.

Rory wasn't feeling very well so I was glad that there were many comfortable places for him to sit and relax. There was a rocking lion that Kyrri had fun on while her sisters were having fun doing other stuff.

Once all the kids were done making there toys and eating the cookies it was time to go to "class" and learn how to be an elf. Ty thought this was cool because she doesn't ever get to sit at a desk for school like Race does.

After class it was time to meet Santa for a family photo.

Then we all got back on the trolley and headed back to the lodge to meet Mrs. Claus for story time. By this time TyLee and Kyrri had both fallen asleep and Rory was exhausted so he took Kyrri and waited in the car. I took the sleeping Ty with my and Race to go finish out the evening.

Mrs. Claus was nice and did a great job reading a story and she had Race's full attention. When the story ended I told Race it was time for us to go and to my surprise she didn't put up a protest. She was tired after having a fun filled 3 hours and knew it was time to go. On the ride home Rory and I again talked about how blessed our family has been though the past 4 months and how grateful we are to live in a caring community.

We will forever be grateful to the Molly Butler's staff for making this experience happen and providing us with memories that will last a lifetime.

Some People Are Amazing

2009-12-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

December 23, 2009

Last Friday afternoon Katie called me and told me that she knew someone who wanted to meet our family and asked us if Monday morning would a good time time. I hesitated knowing that Rory would want to work that day but then told Katie that it would be fine. She wouldn't tell me any more information so we just left it at that. Well Monday morning rolled around and after begging Rory to stay home for a few more hours a goldish yukon pulled up to the house following Katies car. After Rory and I joked about who it could be coming we were surprised to see a family of four whom we have never met get out of the vehicle.

We answered the door and then made introductions. I guy by the name of Patrick Dempsey (not the actor) apparently works with my mom (at TEP) and heard about Rory and our family. He told us how he had heard about all of our struggles and what a champ Rory has been through all of this. He also mentioned that with he too being in his early 30s with a young family it hit close to home for him. Anyway he then asked us in we had ever heard of "Out of Africa". We told him no and then he explained that he had emailed the park and told them of our situation and they agreed to send tickets for our family to attend the park free of charge. Patrick also mentioned that a hotel owner also agreed to have us stay for 2 nights.

We were in shock-here is a total stranger who went completely out of his way to arrange for our family to have a "mini vacation". We have been blessed though out all of this but this was one of the most thoughtful things anyone has done. We truly are grateful and pray for all of those that have and are sacrificing in our behalf.

Damn the bad luck!

2009-12-19T18:01:00.000-08:00

December 16th 2009

Today Rory had a regular chemo appointment. He has been doing chemo every 21 days and it takes him about 6-7 hours to get the treatment. So today while he was at the chemo clinic he had me drive his truck over to Snowflake to pick up some sandstone counter tops for a job he has in New Mexico. So while I was doing that Dr. Thakkar came and talked to Rory and asked him how he was doing. Rory then told the doctor that it was getting harder to swallow again and there were more "BB's" poking out of his chest. So this really concerned Dr. Thakkar and he ordered Rory to have a CT scan after he was done with chemo today. So of course Rory told me all of this as soon as I got back and I immediately got nervous.

So after chemo was over we went to the hospital and Rory had his CT scan. Because we have learned the system we knew we had time to kill so we went and did some grocery shopping to kill time. After about an hour we went back to the chemo clinic to wait for the results. We were just chilling out when the nurse answered the phone and then asked us what insurance Rory had. She then told us that Dr. Thakkar was working on some things for us and that he would come and go over the results with us in a little while. That was the when I got really nervous.

After what felt like forever the doctor finally came and escorted us to his office and told us that the mass in Rorys chest was actually 10% bigger. I think my heart literally sank into my stomach because I remember feeling sick. Of course our next question was "what now"? That's when he told us that he had arranged for us to go see a doctor in Tucson at the U of A. He would probably start Rory on very strong dose of a different chemo and would talk about a bone marrow transplant.

When we left the clinic and started to drive home Rory admitted that this news was not a surprised to him because he could feel the mass getting larger and he thought that all the chemo was "way to easy". I was crushed here we were with 5 out of 6 of the chemo treatment under our belt and we had to start over with a stronger more intense treatment. I quietly cried most of the way home. With all the thought that were going through my mind I remembered my mom always saying "damn the bad luck" when something would go wrong and that definitely summed up today.

Christmas card photos

2009-12-14T12:37:00.001-08:00

Taking pictures for our Christmas card this year was a bit of a challenge. I set up my tripod in our bedroom and I forgot how to make my wireless remote work so I got everyone ready then I would hit the timer button. Then I had 10 seconds to run over jump in bed pull back the covers and have Ty sit down by me. Then we would all start laughing and KyrriJo would be looking at us instead of the camera. She then I took her light up snowman and put in on top of the camera so she would at least look in that direction. Lets just say that it all didn't work more often than it did. But here are a few of my favorites:

Yes that is Kyrri's tongue sticking out

Ty looks dorky but its a usable pic

Usable but I liked a different one

This is the 1 Rory wanted to use

But this is the one I chose-Rory's face is priceless in it and Kyrri looks confused but I love it!

I am just glad that we finally got a few useable ones and we all had fun doing it.

Getting a tree and decorating it!

2009-12-14T12:36:00.001-08:00

We had fun going on the mountain and getting a tree this year. Knowing that it was going to be cold I bundled up the kids, gathered up some snacks and off we went. We got about 10 mile up the big lake highway and the girls started droping like flies and before we knew it they were all sound asleep.

We drove around trying to find the "perfect" tree. We would spot what looked like I good a tree, get out walk to it, just to discover it was eather 2 trees or really ugly on one side or the other. When we found one that "might" work Rory would cut it down and stick it in the back of the truck. After about 5 trees we figured we had enough (and only 2 permits) so it was probably a good idea to get home. I would have probably protested to Rory cutting down so many trees but he was totally enjoying being out on the mountain and getting to run a chain saw was a major bonus!!

We usually put up the Christmas tree in the living room in front of the window but my mom bought Rory a recliner after he was diagonised so there wasn't any room for the tree there. Instead we put it up in the dining room and it worked well because all I had to do was sweep up the needles instead of dragging out the vacuum.

Both of the older girls really enjoyed decorating the tree this year-and then of course redecorating it. Every year I threaten to go buy a fake tree and Rory always objects but I guess when all is said and done I like having a real one too.

Thanksgiving and black friday!

2009-12-14T12:35:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was a special one this year because despite everything our family really does have so much to be grateful for. Rory had chemo the day before so he wasn't feeling really good but he tryed to make the most of it. As usual we went over to the Crowthers house for a wonderful lunch. I am usually in charge of the deviled eggs and thanks to my mom I was able to keep up that tradition. We also found out that from this year on Danika and R.J. are in charge of the mashed potatoes-man those were awesome!
The girls always love going over to Gram and Grandpas house so they were just excited about that. With RaceaJade being in school this year she learned more about thanksgiving so it meant more to her this year. It was also KyrriJo's 1st but as most babies she couldn't care less. She just loved being around everyone and tasting all the different foods.

After we were all done with dinner and pie I noticed R.J. (with Dani's help) cleaning up the kitchen and doing dishes. HA HA he must of took my wedding speech seriously when I told him that Meagan, Gerard, I all voted and he lost so he had to clean up after thanksgiving.

After everything was cleaned up Dani, Wendy and I got packed up and headed to the valley for our annual Black Friday outing!

BLACK FRIDAY (one of my favorite "holidays")

Black Friday started for us at 3:00am!! We woke up, got dressed and hit the stores. We started at Kohls that opened at 4 and shopped till about 4 in the evening. It was crazy as usual but so worth it. I was able to get 90% of my Christmas shopping done at almost half the price. When we came home poor Yolly (my yukon) was so packed full of stuff that there was no way we could hit even one more store.

The 3 of us had a really good time and it was a nice break from reality for me. What more can you ask for?

Rorys Benefit Dinner & Auction

2009-11-25T20:31:00.001-08:00

November 14, 2009

Around 5 p.m. Dani the girls and I headed out to the blue building at the rodeo grounds for Rorys benefit dinner and auction. Earlier in the day there was a benefit roping and a few months ago there was a family rodeo and roping. All of this was done for our family! That thought had been racing through my head ever since I heard that all of these event would take place. I had to park in the far back and as we continued to walk closer to the building I got more and more nervous. I still couldn't fathom that this was all taking place because my husband has a serious cancer. I have been to a few benefits and Rory and I have helped with some benefits but never did I think that I would be on the receiving end of one.

As we walked through the door it felt like an out of body experience. I felt like I had tunnel vision and if I looked around too much I would hyperventilate and pass out. The amount of people was over whelming, the tables were all full and people were even standing with there plate of food. The tables and walls around the building reminded me of the county fair displays. Every where I looked there were beautifully crafted items for auction.

As I got to looking around a little more I realized that people were already walking around with items and others were looking at tickets in there hands and I realized that people were winning door prizes. Later somebody told me that so many donations came in that they were giving away door prizes.

Once my mom realized we were there she told me she had a table saved and had me get in line for a Navajo taco. Kyrri was quickly taken out of my arms (by who I don't know) and the other girls were off eating with one of their many relatives that were there. Once I got sat down and started eating I could feel myself relax a little. I kept wishing Rory was there to hold my hand but due to pride and germs he didn't plan on attending. I thought I was settled in for the evening when my kids started to do what they do best-be needy-"I need a drink" "can I have another cupcake" " I have to go potty" but on my many trips back and forth I was always comforted by a friendly smile from someone or a pat on the back.

Thanks to this photo I realized how fat I am getting

Before I knew it the auction started and again the over whelming feeling set in. I was so touched by peoples kindness and generosity that many times I let a few tears out. As the auctioneers took a break Katie (Tucker), Fat Head (Jeremy Porter) and Holly Finch got up there and asked Race to pull a ticket out for the bow that Holly and Fat Head had been raffling. Then the 3 of them presented me with the money from the roping that Katie put on and the bow raffle. For once in my life I was speechless so all I could do was hug them and get off the stage.

Not to long after that Uncle Jack (McCall) got up there and had his oldest granddaughter draw a ticket for the cow he and his family had been raffling for us. Not wanting to embarrass Uncle Jack I sucked it up and shook his hand instead of bawling on his shoulder.

After another hour of the auction J.D. grabbed the microphone and asked the whole place to sing "happy birthday" to Race. She jumped up on a chair and just beamed as well over 150 people sang to her. She doesn't have a shy bone in her body-that's my girl!

Well the auction went for almost 4 hours before everything was auctioned off. The girls were all exhausted but I insisted that we stay till the end to help clean up. It was a very humbling experience and I can't express how grateful I am for this community we live in and the wonderful people who have supported us though all of this.

As we were leaving the rodeo grounds I just started bawling and I told the girls "please try to always remember this night, and always remember all the people who care about your dad and our family" they then asked me why I was crying and I told them "because Heavenly Father has blessed us so much".

Thanks to Dan Perry for the pictures

RaceaJade Birthday Party

2009-11-16T10:04:00.001-08:00

November 14, 2009

This was a stressful/emotional day. We had Races birthday party in the morning then Rory's benefit in the evening. But RaceaJade had a Hannah Montana themed party at 10 in the morning at the Amity building. I would have never thought of having a birthday party at the church but was glad when someone suggested it because it help eliminate germs from our home. Since Race is in school now I allowed her to invite 5 friends from her class. Since she is such a drama queen we made "the list" a few weeks in advance and she would "x" some girls and add others only to go back to her original list the next day.

I have always been one to go the extra mile for my kids parties and this year was no exception. Dani and I decorated till we were sick to death of balloons and streamers. Race got to wear a Hannah Montana wig and a some "pop star" attire. I must say I think my daughter makes a better red head than a blond.
She had 7 friends show up and it was fun to see how little girls act in a group. I never pictured myself having all girls because I was quiet the tomboy but my girls are my world and weather its sports, ballet or anything in between I will support them and help them anyway I can. During the party the girls had fun playing game and dancing around. After we opened presents and ate cake and ice cream it was time to clean up.

Every year on RaceaJades birthday I can't help but think that not only is it her day but it is also an anniversary of me becoming a mom. I have loved these past 6 years and I am very grateful to Heavenly Father for giving Rory and I our amazing children.

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY RACEAROO!!

The wood hauling trip from HELL!

2009-11-12T13:17:00.000-08:00

I was up pretty late on Friday with Rory becuase he was having really bad bone pain in his hips, so 6 a.m. came way to early. Anyway being the tough, bully headed man he is Rory insisted on going out for a load of wood for his sister. So we loaded up all the girls, went and got his mom and dad, met Danika and R. Jay at short stop and headed out of town. Rory had marked 2 juniper trees with his GPS so we thought he knew exactly where he was going...man were we wrong. We were crammed into the truck driving down bumpy roads looking at the GPS for general directions. We would drive about a mile one way just to notice the GPS wanted us to go a different way so we would back track and start again. After about an hour of this the kids start whinning and wanting to get out. Seconds before my last nerve was smashed we arrived at the spot Rory had picked out. I start to look around and see no juniper trees, so as I turn to ask Rory I see him pointing up a steep ass hill at a tree!! When I see he isn't kidding SMASH there goes my last nerve!!

By this point I have came to the conclusion that chemo (he had 3 days earlier) has messed up his brain. His "briliant" plan was to hook the winch to the tree, cut it down and drag it to the truck. Not so bad, you think-WRONG!! The winch doesnt have an auto release so you have to pull all the cable out (which is not easy) and then haul it up the hill to the tree. Thats when we (Danika & I) realize that the cable isn't long enough and we need lumber straps too. At the top of the hill Rory is cutting away at the tree only to notice that the tree isn't as big as he originally thought and the one that is big is not completly dead! I am fuming at this point but trying to not be a compleate jerk.

Rory cuts all that he can and then desides to move his truck to a different location so we can winch the tree down. This is where he got his truck stuck! Mean while RJ, Dani, Leland & I are hooking up pieces to send down the hill. It was steep and it wasn't easy to keep yourself from falling down the hill side.

We finally get it to the bottom and the guys start cutting it up. This is when Rory hit his limit and needed to take a break. We all continued to cut and load. By this time I had calmed down and started to enjoy being out there. Then BOOM I got bit by a fire ant-back to being grouchy!

Once we got the first part of the tree loaded it was definantly time for a break. I think I have turned into a wimp because before the kids I would go wood hauling with Rory all day and not be half as tired as I was in half a day. Maybe it was the chasing kids and trying to stay in front of Rory the whole time.

After lunch we were all ready to go home, the truck wasn't full, and it was still pretty early in the day but we had all had it and were SO ready to go home. Looking back we made some fun memories but at the time it was the wood hauling trip from hell!!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-12T13:11:00.001-08:00

This was an eventful Halloween. The girls and I got up and went to Danika's house to have a yard sale so we were up and out the door by 7. Then we went to the carnival at the church. The girls had a lot of fun there playing games and eating goodies. Then around 5 we went down the the Bashas parking lot for hot dogs and hot choclate. Then we went across the street to the "trunk or treat" in the stake center parking lot.

Once we were done there it was off to the the high school for the carnival there. Again we played games and won prizes.

All of this was done by 7:00!! We were all so tired that it was nice to be done and off to bed early.

Being KyrriJo's 1st Halloween I was glad that it wasn't super cold so she could actually enjoy being outside and looking at all the people.

A Wonderful Weekend

2009-10-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

On Friday evening RJ and Danika came over and we all carved pumpkins. All the girls had a lot of fun. At one point Kyrri was sitting on the table and tying to grab at something that just kept getting away from her. Once we got to looking at what it was, to my shock it was a spider! After we smashed it she just looked at us like "hey I was trying to get that". Again this year the girls did not enjoy pulling out the inside of the pumpkins. I use to think that was the best part! After what felt like many hours of carving we were done and I was pleased with how they turned out. I am really not in the Halloween spirit this year so I didn't even decorate my house or throw the kids a Halloween party like I have the past two years. I guess I just have to much on my plate right now.

On Saturday my mom asked me to take pictures of her horse so she could advertise him so all of us went over there for a while. After I was done we left the older girls with her while Rory, Kyrri and I drove up to Luna Mountain to scout for Rorys upcoming deer hunt. We didn't see anything but squirrel's and I couldn't even get a clear shot at those, but I really enjoyed the experience. Its really rare that Rory and I can spend time alone with Kyrri but even more rare to have an uninterrupted conversation. As we drove around (on a mountain I had never been to) I just savored everything-the look of the fall seasoned trees, the sounds of the breeze on the branches and even the sound of the twigs putting pinstripe down my Yukon. Some sounds I liked better than others! Kyrri enjoyed being out of her car seat and she even helped Dad drive for a long time. After it was dark and time to head home I couldn't help but feel grateful for the time Rory and I had to spend together that day.

Sunday morning was Race's primary program so she wanted to look "extra cute". The program was sweet and Race did good with her part and sung all the songs well. She is growing up so fast-all the girls are. Ty will be is primary next year and Race will be turning 6 in just a few weeks.

After church Rory went back down to Luna and I stayed home with the girls to clean out there room. I know we weren't exactly resting but it was something that desperately needed done. After we cleaned out toy boxes and the closet I even shampooed the carpet and man was I glad when we were done. We eliminated a big tote of toys to donate or yard sale and the kids didn't even throw to big of a fit.

Since Leland went to Luna with Rory, Wendy called and asked of the girls and I wanted to come eat dinner with her while we wait for the guys so the girls and I went over there. A little while latter they were home and Rory told me that our friend Sam who owns the Luna garage and gas station gave us a car. We have been looking for a fuel efficient car to drive back and forth to the many doctors appointments Rory has and Sam was telling us he had a car that would be perfect so Rory and I were going to but it from him. Well when Rory handed him the cash Sam refused to take it. Sam went on to tell Rory that he had wanted to do something for us and that was what he wanted to do. Rory fought with him until he knew anymore fighting would have done no good and may have offended Sam. As I type this tears come to my eyes as I think of all sacrifice and "Christ like" acts of kindness people are performing in our behalf. I feel we are forever indebted to all of those who have helped us along this bumpy road!!

Through everything that is going on in our lives these days one thing that I am totally aware of is how truly blessed me and my family are. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I wasn't aware before but the last two months have really opened my eyes to whats really important in life and how blessed we have been through all of this.

KyrriJo's Six Month Photo Shoot

2009-10-13T09:42:00.000-07:00

I was so happy to take Kyrri's 6 month pictures. Taking pictures is something I love to do, and with her starting to sit up on her own it made things a little bit easier. I made her tu-tu skirt during Rorys 1st chemo treatment so I was dying to try it on her. As usual she look super cute in it. At first she had her shirt off but she was drooling so bad I was afraid she would get chilled in our basement where I took the pictures, so I put on her onsie. I can't believe she is already 6 months old. I find myself worrying on a daily bases that I am not making the most of girls childhood. I fear one day I will look back and wish I did things differently. I guess that is just inevitable but I want to strive harder to prevent that-even during this tough time in our lives. Any way here are a few of my favorite pictures from this photo shoot.

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KyrriJo McLain Finch

15 lbs~26 inches

Six Week Summary

2009-10-09T16:32:00.000-07:00

Today is the 6 week mark from Rorys diagnosis and his surgery. I have put together a list of all that has happened in the last six weeks.

I spent my 1st (of many) nights away from Kyrri (sad of course)

Kyrri started rolling over both ways (amazed)

Went to Races M&M day at school (grateful I could be there with her)

Kyrri started giving "kisses" & "loves" (great but messy and painful if her nails aren't trimmed)

Ty started her 1st year of gymnastics (happy for her)

Race started her 3rd year of gymnastics (glad because she loves it)

I put up my 1st booth as a 4-H leader for the county fair (stressful yet fun)

Kyrri has her 1st ear infection (nightmare!)

I went and had lunch with Race at her school (good)

Rory had his 1st Chemo treatment (glad we start treatment sad it took 10 hours)

Kyrri turned 6 months old (sad that its going by so fast)

Ty has become clingy to me (annoying yet understandable)

Race went to Buckeye and won a buckle for being the fastest lead liner (exciting)

Race finished her 2nd year of soccer (sad for Race glad for me)

I finished my 1st year of coaching soccer (bitter sweet)

Kyrri started sitting up all by herself (proud)

We sold 4 out of 6 of our airedale pups (so happy)

Rory spent a total of 14 days in the hospital (very emotional times)

Kyrri took her 1st bath in the big bath (decided the sink is still easier)

I had a fun trip to Flagstaff with Dani (much needed get away)

Kyrri got attached to a binki ( I'm not happy about it at all but its very convenient)

Rory lost 32 lbs. (very hard to deal with)

Race, Ty & I all had our 1st flu shot (ouch!)

Kyrri got her 6 month shots (sad to witness)

Rory and I have been humbled way beyond measure (bitter sweet)

I am sure I have probably forgot some stuff but that sums up most of it.

Sunday Drive

2009-10-05T19:26:00.000-07:00

On Sunday after we watched some of conference Rory started to get a little stir crazy and wanted to get out of the house. Due to his condition he can't do a whole lot with out getting completely wiped out so we decided to go for a drive. Because this is such a pretty time of year we chose to drive up to Esadilla to see the leaves changing on the trees. So we loaded up Ty, and Kyrri and off we went. Race was barrel racing with my mom (where she won a buckle for the fastest lead line!) Any way we had a great time. The mountain was absolutely beautiful and the drive was a peaceful one-after the girls fell asleep!

At one point Rory and I got out of the car to look for acorns and of course I had to pick a tree on the other side of a huge ditch but Rory refused to just let me drive to an easier tree. The poor guy wants so badly to feel good that he pushes his body at every opportunity despite my begging and pleading. Anyway after all the work to get to the tree we only found 1 full acorn and it was still green.

On our way back to the yukon Rory picked a pretty purple flower for Ty-who was still sleeping. When she woke up she was so excited that her daddy got her a flower-she loves flowers! As we were approaching on the Alpine cemetery I asked Rory if he wanted to go check on his Grams grave and he agreed. Rory tryed to talk Ty into leaving her flowers there for Great Gram but she was to attached to them.

After that we headed home. I must say passing Bear Wallow without stopping wasn't an easy thing for me to do, but being Sunday and realizing just how blessed we have been lately made it easier. I enjoyed our Sunday drive and more importantly the memories we made along the way.

Deja Vuo

2009-10-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

Last Monday(September 28th to be exact) Rory was scheduled to have a porta cath put in. It is a small surgical procedure where they basically install a permanent IV catheter into his upper chest/shoulder area. Anyway we had to check in to the Show Low hospital at 6 a.m. which meant we had to be up about 4:30ish. Me being more of a night owl than early bird had difficulty doing this especially with the long night I had before with Kyrri, Ty and Rory. So we get to the hospital room and while we were in pre op Rory was having a hard time not passing out every time he had to take more than 10 steps or standing for any period of time (he had been doing this all weekend but we thought it was part of Chemo) well a nurse noticed that his heart rate was all over the place so she ordered to have an EKG test to make sure he could handle the surgery and the test came back fine. Next they did blood work to make sure his blood was thick enough to do the surgery and that came back as okay too, so off to surgery he went. About 45 minutes latter he was out and doing okay, his upper peck was sore but he wasn't in any worse shape than when he went in.

Because he was having such a rough time over the weekend we decided to stop in to see the oncologist who took one look at Rory and said he was dehydrated and needed more IV fluid (even though he just had 2 liters in the hospital). After the IV was ran and he still was trying to pass out Dr. Thakkar sent us to get an echo cardio gram which again came back saying his heart looked good. So being at a loss for an explanation we ended up back in the ER. After fighting with the ER doctor a lab worker came in and told the doctor "you may want to look at this". Well it turned out that Rorys blood level was at a 4 when it should be up around a 10!! Yes he was running out of blood. So the only thing to do in that situation is to transfuse. They started out with 4 units of blood, then they admitted us into the ICU later that night.

I was a little freaked out about the whole thing because as we were sitting in the ER and latter in the ICU I couldn't help but realize that it was 1 month to the day that we started out in the ER where they told us he had cancer and then later that night after his bowel surgery we were in the ICU. 1 month to the day-how ironic is that. I know I have said it before but again it felt like we have taken 5 steps forward and 3 steps back!

The next morning I woke up to Rorys & I's favorite ICU nurse LeeAnn who also had a bitter sweet smile on her face about us being back. Because we knew Rory was passing the blood the next thing was to find out why. So he was scoped and they found he had large ulsars in his stomach that were bleeding due to the chemo and all the blood thinners he was on. Then later that morning Rory began trying to pass out again while just laying in bed and having 4 units of blood already in him. This was the scaredest I have been through all of this. At one point Rory turned to me and said "I think I am bleeding to death" and all I could do was sit by his bed and cry. I have been trying so hard to be strong in front of Rory but at this point my strength was gone. I was literally watching my husband faid before my eyes. Again they found he still didn't have enough blood so two more units were transfused. Before I knew it he was feeling better and had some color to him. This was a great sight.

I went home that night (while Wendy stayed with Rory) so that I could spend some time with my girls. We went and had dinner and I enjoyed hearing all that had went on the past few days. I also noticed that the 2 of them are getting along a lot better. They act like best friends these days.

That next day they drained fluid off of Rors lungs-1.5 liters to be exact-so this procedure left him feeling sore and caused painful coughing fits. When he would cough it hurt his head, his chest and his still somewhat fresh stomach wound. We were moved to the med surg floor that evening and stayed only 1 more day. So many things that happened during our 4 day hospital stay was just total Deja Vuo. My hope is now that we know what to look for and now that we have all the doctors attention-we will not have to go back to the ER anytime soon.

One eventful weekend!

2009-09-16T21:55:00.000-07:00

Friday night was overwhelming because of all that we did that day. 1st I suspected that Kyrri had her 1st ear infection because she has been crying way more than usual, her nose has been running and her breath stinks (yes that is one of the signs). So Kelly had a Dr. friend of hers look in Kyrri's ears and my suspicions were confirmed. So next we had to meet with a radiologist in Show Low who basically told us all about radiation and how after 6 months of chemo Rory would be on radiation everyday 5 days a week for 4 weeks. My first thought is how if we don't do the radiation in Show Low we will have to move to Tuscon or to the valley. Then he tells us how we should consider being done having children. So my next thoughts go to how we have kind of talked about being done but in the back of my mind I was still hoping to give Rory the son he so badly deserves, but now I guess our only option for that is adoption-if we can afford it after all of this. Anyway after the radiologist appt. we haul butt to Snowflake so Rory can have his INR (blood work) tested and Kyrri can see the doctor who can give her a prescription for the antibiotics she needs. When that is all said and done we are able to come home and start the long night of crying capability that Kyrri has acquired along with her ear infection. At times I just had to set her on the couch and let her scream while I handled other issues. Rory is not aloud to lift more than 15 lbs and Kyrri is right on that mark plus she squirms. So after little sleep on Friday night I have to wake up early to get RaceaJade and TyLee ready to go barrel racing with my mom in Pinetop. They are gone by 7:30 so I start getting ready for the long day to come. At 8:30 Kyrri and I drive over to Pinetop to watch the girls run and to also bring them back home before 11 for Race's soccer game-that I coach. She mastered changing from her pants and cowboy boots to shorts, shoes and shin guards really well considering she was buckled up too. So after what felt like the longest soccer game ever it was time for all to rest-and nap if they were lucky before we headed to St. Johns for the county fair. When we got to the fair the girls spotted the carnival rides so of course we had to do that first. Ty is my little thrill seeker and loves all the rides but Race however only likes the slow paced easy going ones. After the rides we went and looked at the animals and all the booths. I had to set up our Cloverbud booth so I wanted Race to see her projects up for display. After an hour or two of walking around Dani and I decided El Camino sounded great for dinner so we ate and went back to the fair grounds to take down our 4H booth so we could get home. It would have been enough to just call it a day and crawl into bed for the night but Kyrri had other plans that included screaming until around 10.

Then on Sunday morning I woke up to the strong smell of skunk, as I got out of bed and looked outside there it was. It was already daylight and it was still playing out there, it had obviously already scarred all the dogs (5 puppies and there parents) during the night due to the awful smell. We had heard rumors that rabbies had been going around so out of instinct I called for Rory to come check it out. He hobbled out of bed, put on his glasses and watched it for a little while before asking me to go get his shotgun. My first thoughts are that its 6:30 on a Sunday morning and we are going to have the cops out here, or worse we will wake the sleeping dragon with an ear infection. So to avoid eliminating any of the dogs I had to put them all in the garage while Rory got the shot gun ready. Next thing I know its go time, to muffle the sound he stays completly in the house for the shot. BOOM! one shot one kill. Now I look at Rory who is all worn out and I tell him "you cant go deal with that now" and with a small grin he replies "no, but you can". UGGGH! So very reluctantly I grab a trash bag, put on his shoes, and I head out the door in my purple robe. As I get closer I think to myself what if he's not all the way dead? So being the girl that I am I throw some rocks at it from a safe distance. Once I am convinced that it is dead I inch myself closer while trying not to gag from the smell. Then very slowly I reach down grab its tail and try to stuff it in the bag that the wind has now tangled around me. Anyway I finally got it in tied it off and got it to the trash can. I must admit that as I was staring at the dead skunk on the ground I couldn't help but think of all those people who have told me "if you guys need anything, just call". Maybe next time I wont be so stubborn and take them up on that offer-but then again how often will something like this happen. Rory can no longer say he hasn't killed anything this hunting season.

Home Sweet Home

2009-09-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

Rory was able to come home again and this time I think he is actually ready. He hasn't been nauseous at all, he has been eating and tolerating more foods and his pain management is under control. I am so glad that he is doing better-my girls have missed the both of us and it is really showing in there personality's. Race has become mean and is also yelling at or hitting Ty a lot more often-she has a thirteen year old attitude on her 5 year old body and or she brakes down and crys for no real reason. Ty on the other hand is constantly clinging to Danika, picking on Kyrri, or is whining and crying over EVERYTHING. It is hard for me to get mad at them when at best I have only seen them for a few hours every other day. These past 11 days have taken there toll on all of us and we are just going to have to learn do handle all of this the best we can TOGETHER. I have tryed to have some one on one time with each of the kids but with Race being in school it makes it a little harder because once she comes home its time to figure out diner, entertain the parade of people that come to our home, get homework done and get to bed. Well I figured to avoid all this and still get some one on one with Race I would go to the school and have lunch with her. At this age I still think it's okay for your mom to come to school and you not be labeled to "strange" kid. Anyway I went and it was a good experience, and I was glad I did it. This is not to say that when she got home she was nice to her sister and she dropped the attitude, but it did help her and I bond a little more. With everyday that Rory is home we all adjust a little more. I am just glad to be out of the hospital and in my own bed. The only thing that would make it better would be if Rory was in that bed with me instead of the hospital bed we had brought into our house. Due to the incision on his stomach and the mass in his chest it is just better for him to sleep in a reclined position and wonderful people arranged for a hospital bed to be brought into our home. I honestly believe that he can really start the healing process from this surgery now that he is in our home sweet home.

Three steps forward and two steps back...

2009-09-06T21:40:00.000-07:00

Well on Friday Rory was discharged from the hospital so we left around 10 in the morning. On our way home Races school called and said she was in the nurses office with a small fever and was complaining that her chest hurt! With this news my mind starts racing-is she okay, do I need to get her to the doctor before she gets worse, and most of all how do I keep her and her germs away from her dad who she will be excited to see for the 1st time in a week? I didn't have alot of time to think about these questions because before we knew it we were pulling into RV. On the drive home I also remember thinking how reversed our roles were. Usually after a stay in the hospital it is Rory who is driving home cautiously and me flinching at every bump in the road. The only thing we lacked was the new baby girl in the back seat.

Once we got home and got Rory situated I started cleaning out the car and just getting things back in place before my girls showed up. About the time they all got home Rory was in alot of pain and got nauseated. This was not good because we knew if he stared throwing up the doctor would want us to go back to the hospital. And sure enough that's what happened. I fought all evening with the fact that Kyrri would have to start sleeping in her own room. She already out grew the basinett and with Rory having major difficulty getting comfortable and with the after math of the chemo and radiation coming up I thought it would be best. Our other girls were closer to two before they got kicked out. But anyway she was asleep in her crib and I had just got the older girls to sleep, so I was crawling into bed after a long stressful day when I heard Rory pick up his phone and call the doctor who advised us to come back to the Show Low hospital. Knowing that I was in no position to drive Rory called his dad. Once we got to the ER he was in alot of pain, and they stoped letting him any form of liquid or food, and they ordered an x-ray, it seriously felt like we were back where we started a full week before!! At was about 3 a.m. before we were settled back into a private room and I was beyond wiped out. Yesterday was mostly a blur so I was grateful when Wendy came and stayed Rory while I went home to get some rest and see my girls. All of us girls had a slumber party in my bed, and I must say I am glad we have a king size bed or we would have never fit as good as we did. About 2 a.m. I got up to use the bathroom and I took this photo. Man I love these girls! Even if we took three steps forward and only two steps back we are still making some progress!

What a Champ!

2009-09-01T15:51:00.000-07:00

What a fog the last 5 days have been! I have seen my amazing husband overcome so many painful obstacles that I can not help but be proud of him. He had a intestinal surgery Friday afternoon causing him to have a mid line incision with about 20 staples, then by Sunday evening he was out of bed trying to walk. He had to go a couple days without and liquid (including ice chips) to quench his cotton dry mouth. Only hours after he had his epidural pulled out he was trying to carry his walker around the nurses station. He endured the four trys it took the nurse to get a tube put down his nose and into his stomach. He has had many shots of blood thinner in his already sore stomach. He had a very painful removal of his folly which caused him to urinate blood. And to top it off today he had a bone marrow biopsy.

Because of the pain it causes he hates doing two things; peeing and coughing. Both are important steps in the recovery process. This man is by far one of the toughest guys I have ever met and to see him wince in pain is enough to make my stomach do flip flops, my heart to drop and my eyes to tear up. He has handled all of this like a champ-but I wouldn't expect anything less from him!

Come what may and make the best of it!

2009-08-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

So yesterday morning Rory decided he couldn't handle what he thought was a hernia any longer and asked me to take him to the Show Low ER-for anyone who knows Rory that was huge! After we got settled in and Rory drank the highlighting fluid for the CT scan his pain level shot through the roof. It was all he could do to even breath because it hurt so bad. I have never in my life seen someone in that much pain. It was absolutely horrible! About the time he was given some morphine they wheeled him back for his CT scan. After a little while the doctor came back with the results. He told us that Rory did not have a hernia but instead he had a ruptured bowel that needed immediate attention. He told us that if Rory had not come in today he would not have made it through the weekend. Then after we absorbed that he informed us that they also discovered cancer. I can not describe the way you feel when you hear that someone you love has cancer.

Next he was given a blessing by his two dads and then wheeled off to surgery. Two long hours later the surgeon came and told us that the surgery went well and he ended up removing 24 inches of small intestine. He also took out a mass of lymph nodes that would be used to determine exactly what type of cancer he has.

We were able to see him as he was being wheeled from surgery to the ICU. He was still heavily drugged and making jokes. The first things he wanted was his hat and his glasses. After he was all situated in the ICU he informed me that I needed to get some dinner so I wouldn't get a migraine. Here he is fresh out of surgery and he is worried about me. Danika, RJ, Katie, Kelly and I all went to a Chinese buffet and after we ate we were opening up fortune cookies and one of mine said "you can make the best out of any situation". And I had the thought that from this moment on that is what I am going to HAVE to do-Come what may and make the best of it.